Let the Children Come

The past week has been a particularly hard week. I have been praying into going on international outreach with the current school, what it would look like to lead half of outreach and what to do after the outreach. Decisions. I struggled. I stressed and stressed and stressed. Then I stressed some more. Headaches. Stomach aches. Stress eating. It was bad. 

I spent more time watching the Swiss girls. Two of our staff were gone building a house for a recently widowed Native gal, so we had to distribute their jobs. I held Nira as she drank her bottle and fell asleep. I began to wonder if the reason Jesus wanted the little children to come to him was because they give life.

Nira "helps" me in the kitchen. She likes to be held, taste test the food and stir. She helps me write out the grocery list, as in she scribbles. Mostly she just stands on the counter being cute.

She giggles, ya know, one of those little kid giggles for no apparent reason. Her hair is turning into a mullet with soft curls. She chews on everything, crayons, sticks, fingers, books, mud, everything! She eases the tensions just by smiling. She draws attention from strangers, giving an opportunity to share the Gospel.

Andrina has begun pushing her toy stroller with her "babies" to the beach or the library. She will occasionally stop on the side of the road because her babies need their diapers changed. At the library she enjoys reading to them, sitting them on her lap so they can listen during story time and moving their arms during sign language song time. We have begun communicating in a mash up of English, Swiss-German, noises and hand gestures. I'm sure it is very interesting to observe.

But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of Heaven."

Matthew 19:14

Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, passion, dreams, talent, guts. It's what these little girls are made of. They remind me what it is to be simple, find joy and to laugh. As Fyodor Dostoyevsky, a Russian philosopher says, "The soul is healed by being with children." They show me how to be present, not overthinking or living to please; making decisions out of the fullness of our hearts; how to be broken, tired and cranky, knowing out of abandoning a performance based life, someone will always be there to love them. 

They remind me more than anything else how to love without any boarders.

Outreach decision: Joining the team in Japan for a week then leading three week outreach in Thailand. More updates to come.

Redeeming Warriors

Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving. After having received a snapchat from a Canadian friend wishing me the happiest of days, I declared celebration. Someone found a whole turkey in the freezer and another gal exclaimed, "We need decorations!" Monday evening, we celebrated Thanksgiving, complete with turkey hats, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. It was silly, especially for grown adults to wear half a paper plate covered in construction paper and crayon on their head, yet everyone willingly participated.

Tuesday evening a friend and I walked the night streets handing out hot chocolate. Three people accepted, 2 hugs were given, and many declined. One man, with a distorted expression of disgust, asked, "Are you trying to poison me?!" Well, no, unless you are lactose intolerant, allergic to chocolate or have a sugar sensitivity, we are not trying to poison you. Almost every person asked, very confused, "Why are you doing this?" For me, I desired to do this because I miss meeting people on the streets the way I would in Vegas. It was an easy way to meet and pray for people. My friend had better words: "We just want to love people." Simple. Her tender heart sought to love people first and foremost because she understood what the love of Christ has done for her. She had a boldness to speak with each person, a smile revealing her joy, and bright eyes seeing the one in front of her as an opportunity to love.

Wednesday we had a good-by party for a Mission Builder (YWAM program). He showed up one day, came into our building and asked if we needed any help. And, naturally, we did not deny him. He quickly became part of the community. I am not sure how long he was here, maybe a month, but it felt as though he was always here. Him and I would often talk about organic food and gardening, working out and the impact of health on our spiritual walk; we could also often be found extra, highly processed desserts in the kitchen. He came and served: painted, cleaned, dug most of the basement, whatever we needed, he was willing. I did not hear him complain once, rather, he saw the value in each one of us at the base, and did not let a single moment go by without being intentional. Full of wisdom, love and displayed a true father's heart, he even cut the turkey for us.

Friday for community outreach we went to long term care. I held a lady's hand for a while. Ruth was viciously shaking, eyes occasionally opening, lips cracked, and soft, confused words. She kept asking me, calling me the operator, to please put her eggs away, they were sitting on the counter. I frequently reintroduce myself to her, she would then turn her head away from me and tell the empty chair on the other side of her of about the nice lady who came to speak with her. As I held her hand, gently rubbing her loose, wrinkly skin, her shaking hands calmed.

Ruth could not impart wisdom she acquired over the years, share favorite recipes, or go for walks and laugh. Occasionally she would say something relevant or in recognition of her surroundings, but mostly she was confused and incomprehensible. She could do nothing but show me the frailty of life and the future reality for many. It was awkward. I did not know what to do. I wanted to leave, turn my eye away, take my hand back, put the reality of her daily activity being a confused body restrained to a chair away, not thinking any more about her, but going on in comfortable living. I did not want to love her widowed, orphaned state. I did not want to be uncomfortable any longer. 

In 1 Samuel 22, David is hiding from Saul who is looking to kill him. As David is hiding in a cave, his family and all those in distress, debt and bitter in soul come and join him (22:2), about 400 in all. With these 400 outcast men, David forms an army to fight for the Lord's will. This is the redeeming heart of the Father: calling all those in distress, debt and bitter in soul, come, fight for Me. Looking past the physical, He seeks to redeem us back to our warrior state. 

We hosted many extra people Monday and Tuesday who wanted to here the DTS lecture speaker. In Canadian Thanksgiving, loving people with hot chocolate, Bart's going away party and sitting with people who may not have remembered us five minutes after we left, we are seeking to honor and respect them for the warrior God made them to be. Each one of us has the characteristics of the outcast. We are the outcast, created to furiously love the one, redeemed to boldly fight for the Kingdom to come to earth, and chosen to tenderly hold the hands of our brothers and sisters.

"The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian."

-Brennan Manning

The Dream

"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling you."

-Aslan

I went to see the documentary Meru last week with a couple friends. It is a documentary about a climber Jimmy Chin who with a team climbed a mountain peak in India no other climber has reached the summit before. I was so excited! I have been waiting over a month to see it, living in Alaska things are slightly outdated when they reach us. After the movie was over, one of the girls looked at me and joked, "So are you ready to go buy all your gear and climb?"

Not really actually. The movie excited me. It was people setting their minds to do things other have tried, failed, and deemed impossible. They pushed themselves, not succumbing to limits they put upon themselves, they risked and pursued. They found something they loved and chased their passion.

Moving to Alaska was part of a dream spurred by summers working at camp. I desired to come back. There was one evening at camp I hiked one mountain with a friend and we were staring at another mountain across the valley. It was a late July evening, the sun was kind of setting, creating an early dusk feel. He said, "Crazy to think God says if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we could move those mountains." Yeah. It is crazy.

I returned to Alaska entering into what I felt God calling a season of rest. Rest does not mean easy. For example, I can see the mountains, but I can't get to them. Not easy.

Last week community outreach was to the Alaska Coast Studies Center. I had seen their building next to the ocean, so I contacted them to see if they would need volunteers. They did! For manual labor and entering computer data. We arrive, split our group into labor and computers. The gal shows us around the outside of the building pointing to all this stuff that needs to be moved. We would also have to be working around two of their interns who were skinning the sea otter hanging from a tree. We quickly finished our labor, and went to fold shirts and sweatshirts for two hours.

This week we went to AK Coastal Studies Center again. I almost vacuumed a bunch of animal bones I thought were twigs on the floor. I have never volunteer and found myself in situations like these before.

Sometimes we just have to lay on the floor and laugh with God about the adventure He has us in.

For work duties the past couple weeks we have been digging under our apartment building. Something about basement, water proof and some other things. I do not know. All I know, is we have to dig, fill 5 gallon buckets with wet dirt, haul those buckets about 5 meters on our knees, lift the buckets above ground, fill a wheel barrow then empty the wheel barrow. 7 of us. My spot: squatting to lift the buckets out of a stomach deep hole (sure seems like a Crossfit move put into the practicalities of the mission field).

Dream: mountains, Jesus, nations.

Reality: digging holes.

God, how did I get myself into this?

It is a wild ride when we choose to give our lives back to God. We suddenly have this freedom to enter the Throne Room. As Zechariah sees in a vision in the third chapter of his book, God brings us into His court room and says, "Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments." We have the right of access to enter into His presence and dream with Papa.

When we stand in the Heavenly court room, we stand justified, free from all accusation. In understanding our true identity, that of the free sons and daughters, we are able to enact the heart of the Father to the nations. We have the identity of Christ the hope of nations, as the Royale Priesthood, it is now our duty to be the hope of glory in bringing our brothers and sisters back to the table.

The dream does not always play into the reality. Yet the reality always plays into the dream. The dream remains the same: more Jesus, more nations. We, the Royale Priesthood, the freedom chasers, the dreamers, the nation changers, are the missionaries sent to go.

The lies require performance, comparison expectation and standards all resulting in us never being good enough. Before you are tempted to spend the night in the arms of lies, spend time in the arms of our Heavenly Father. He knows us. In Him we find peace as we await His perfect plans to guide our feet. Lean into Him, rest your head upon His heart beating for His children. Listen intently to Him calling you. There is no great adventure then listening to Him calling you further up and further in.

"I have made you. I will sustain you. I will carry you. I will save you."

-God 

(Isaiah 46:4)