Week 8: Check!

5 a.m hike to watch the sunrise with some of my beautiful YWAM family!

Highlights from lecture notes on the topic 'The Cost of Discipleship' taught by Jeremy West:

• Being a disciple is showing what I believe in so much I would give everything up
• Do not turn your privileges into rights; we complain and do not want to be told what to do because we believe it is our right to do what we want
• We hear things, think them, agree with them, and are at times moved by them, and by doing so we convince ourselves that we are living the life we "agree" with. Are we dreaming an ideal instead of living the truth?
• There are no great people of God, only a great God of people
• Identity in Christ is sacrifice of identity in self; individualism, not independence
• Be careful not to defend our objectivity in language, entertainment or clothing. Why do we do it?

  

  Decided to rock dreads for the next 3 weeks!

• We are willing to take the blades of glory, but are we willing to take the lower spot? Are we willing to listen and clean our rooms, turn in our journals on time, and clear up small disputes?
• Grace is free, but discipleship is extremely costly. It cost Jesus everything, why would it cost us anything less?
• If I cannot say sorry or admit my mistakes, I should not be in leadership
• Legalism= man made standards and goals to make us better
• We sanitize our wants by calling them desires
• Discipling others and being discipled is worth my discomfort
• Being "relevant" shrinks our sphere of influence quickly and drastically the enemy always wants to split generations, being "relevant" in language and dress will do just that
• We have to burn our ships, that does not mean we will never sail again, we just have to let God take us to a new dock

While the lectures were amazing, it was the way the speaker presented the material: with respect. There was a passion in his eyes radiating his desire for us to grow in our faith, no matter how discomforting the information would make him. Jeremy was honest, convicting, and respectful. He said one thing that made me want to cry, he said, "You are worth it." Me becoming closer to the Lord is worth more than his comfort. Me leading others closer to the Lord is worth more than my comfort, am I living this out? This week has opened my eyes to the way I live. I often complain, slack during work duties, not always turn in things on time, allow my room to become messy, do not make my bed, just because I do not want to; they are an inconvenience to me. The cost of discipleship is being faithful in the small things. If God cannot trust me in the small things, there is no way God will trust me in the big things. He is worth my discomfort.

The city lights are slowly working their way into my heart!

Memory Lane

Week 7 has been a difficult week for me. The topic of the week was the Holy Spirit. Our teachers were both so wonderfully full of knowledge. I was very blessed to learn more about the different gifts of the Spirit and different situations where the Holy Spirit was present.

This week, however, contained "blast from the past" moments. A year ago there was a very special young man in my life, and his mother pasted of breast cancer. We both suffered, something I did not expect, and I especially did not expect to still feel so much emotion. Many times I found myself revisiting past memories, dwelling on the what could have beens. A year ago I never would never have envisioned myself being single living in Las Vegas doing a DTS. A year ago I envisioned my future being me graduating from college, still with the same young man.

Dwelling on the memories is a very dangerous thing. Looking back, laughing and learning, yes that is good and healthy. But questioning, wishing for a different ending, wishing I would have said or done something differently is not healthy. By making myself vulnerable to questioning why the Lord's will played out the way it did, I reopened myself to many lies I thought I had conquered.

One of the biggest lies I began to re-believe is I was alone. Feeling alone was a result of me not being vulnerable. Me not being vulnerable was a result of believing 3 lies: it is not a big of a deal, there are bigger problems, telling people is not going to make a difference.

1. My feelings are a big deal. My heart is to reflect the heart of the Creator of the Universe. I was created in God's image, therefore my feelings are created in the image of God's feelings. If my heart is breaking, then God's heart is breaking. Pushing aside my feelings in response to embarrassment and fear others will make fun of them, is saying to God, "God, I really am embarrassed by Your heart and I care more about what others think than what You feel."

2. Are you sure? Currently the problem is my heart is really hurting. Having a hurting heart for me spreads into all parts of my life. It affects my eating, sleeping, attitude, and the way I treat others. But most importantly, having a hurting heart puts a barrier between God and I. My relationship with my Abba Daddy really suffers. I do not want to talk to Him or people about my problems, because I do not want to be seen as a problem. Lack of vulnerability WILL destroy relationships.

3. It will make a difference. Telling others how I am feeling, I allow others to see God in me, and I allow others to speak God out of them. Being vulnerable allows for a love relationship. Love is not something that is clean. Love is messy. Love is snot, tears, and pain. Love is not always pretty, happy, easy or desired. Love is saying, "I'm sorry," and "I forgive you." Love is beautiful. Love is taking time to listen to the hurts of another. Love is being willing to dig deep into the pains, sorrows, and dark valleys of each other's lives and not being scared of others. Love is this crazy thing that yells, "HEY! YOU ARE SO FRICKEN AWESOME! I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE!" I did not allow anybody to love me or to yell that at me.

God is showing me what love really means. God wants to go deep with me because He loves me. Shouldn't I want to go deep with Him? Do I not love Him? Do I not want to feel His heart and share it with others? God wants my heart to break. God wants to take my past and remold it into a testimony for His glory. He does not want us to keep all the memories to ourselves. He thinks our lives are so beautiful and can all shine His grace if we allow Him!

With much LOVE!
Livia

Mexico: Check!

Roof top view from the Ensanada base. Beach. Mountains. Poverty.

This past Wednesday afternoon, October 1, all 8 of us DTS students and 4 leaders left for a mid-lecture outreach to Mexico. Our destination was Ensanada, Mexico where we stayed at a YWAM base from Wednesday until Saturday. Saturday we left and spent the night in Tijuana, Mexico and came home Sunday. This trip has been amazing. I could spend days telling stories of what God did. I think the easiest way to hit all the highlights is to go by day. This will be a longer post, but it does not even begin to capture all the miracles God did.

Wednesday:

• Learned that most all of us get very crabby when we do not eat. 
• Somebody passed gas, did not admit to it. We all almost died. It was a bonding moment.
• Drove this crazy Mexico rode in at night. They did not have a shoulder and barely any guard rail and they went along mountain sides. They were crazy curvy, but that did not stop others from passing our van.
• Arrived at the Ensanada base. Our rooms had a view of the ocean! Many times the leader who used to work at the Ensanada base would get on me for calling it Ensalada, which means salad. I thought it was funny to call the base Salad, she did not.

Thursday:

The migrant camp I wanted to be left at.

• Chel, one of my roommates, and I went running on the beach. IT WAS AWESOME!
• During morning intersession with the Ensanada group lots of people were given words and images of breaking barriers of culture and language. Throughout the day, God proved himself faithful in breaking down barriers.
• Visited a girls safe house/rehab center. The average age of the girls is 14, meaning there were girls younger and older. All of these girls have had drugs in their system; they were either rescued or their families sent them. While we were there we shared parts of our testimony and encouraging words. We also were extremely blessed with bilingual worship and were able to hear parts of their stories.
• We visited a migrant camp. I wanted to live with them. The families were a mix of Mexicans and indigenous groups. They lived up on the mountain side and had an amazing view of the beach, mountains and the fields they worked in. We gave out milk, cookies and orange juice. I was able to braid some girls hair. I had my hair up in a bun and when I let my hair down for them to play with their eyes went huge in amazement of my long blond hair. I was also able to hold a baby. The little girl was under 6 months. Her fingers were so tiny. I told this beautiful girl how beautiful, precious and loved she is. Her mom only spoke an indigenous language, so she did not know English, but she was grinning a toothless smile. I wanted to move in and keep her. Despite language barriers we were able to love and play with the children as well as love on the adults.

Friday:

Sand dollars we collected on our window sill. You can
see now what I was blessed with looking at!

• Another morning run on the beach. Chel and I collected sand dollars. 
• We went to a boys home today. I was super nervous. I am a white girl who has never been pulled over by the cops, I could not imagine having any sort of connection with these boys. Of course these young men are more than what society has labeled them. We had bilingual worship, shared parts of our testimony, gave encouragement, then some of the boys shared theirs. We were able to pray over the boys, they were able to pray over us, then they shared their dreams. Lots of the boys desired to be good husbands and fathers, several wanted to serve God by working with children. It was so encouraging.
• Had a frappe from a coffee shop. I did not get sick from the ice in it. It was lovely.
• Went for a walk on the beach and watched the sunset. It was the most vibrant sunset I have ever seen!
• We went to the Red Light district of Ensanada. It was very interesting and not what I expected it to be. It was mostly just bars. The prostitution was extremely hidden, not open in the streets. Of course God blew our minds. There were 4 groups: one group from Ensanada at the base praying for us, an Ensanada group prayer walking, then our Vegas group was split into two groups. All of our groups were receiving words, visions and urging to pray for things that did not make sense, but when we all shared back at base, they all connected to each other group. Our prayers may not make sense, yet God can connect the crazy together.

Saturday:

T.J beach! I LOVE THE BEACH!

• Began the morning with a 6:30 a.m swim. It was so refreshing. A boy who has wrestled alligators went with us and brought boogie boards. So fun!
• Went to visit an orphanage in the mountains. The building was very nice with all donated items. They had a beautiful view of the mountains, farm land and poverty. I was able to again braid hair and have my hair braided. We sang songs, played soccer, and gave lots of piggyback rides.
• Traveled from Ensanada to Tijuana. The house we stayed in was on the beach, as in you walk off the drive way onto the sand. Within 30 minutes of being at the house, I was unpacked, and in the ocean!
• Went to the Red Light district in T.J. The prostitutes lined the streets here. Somehow I was at complete peace. We were able, through translators, able to pray for some of the girls. There was a man who gave his life to Christ and another prostitute who approached the other group, gave her life to Christ, and went to pack up her bags, all ready to leave the streets. It was beautiful. 
• Really wanted to sleep outside under the stars but I could not find any blankets. The room I stayed in was a little girls room. I tucked myself under the covers, surrounded by 8 pillows, feeling like a total princess. I then looked up and there were glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. I was in awe of God. He made me feel so precious. He provided for His princess.

Sunday:

• Crossed the boarder. We had some difficulties because our driver is in the process of applying for a green card. He was taken in for questioning, and God gave him the chance to tell the questioner about God. We were at the boarder for about 2 hours. 
• Had Panaras for lunch! YUM!
• Returned home. I have never been more excited in my entire life to be in the ghetto. 

Other highlights:

Ensanada base sign.

• Did not shower for 3 days. For those who know me well, this will make their jaws drop. 
• Remembered to not drink from the tap. It was a large accomplishment
• Not once did I request to have the van stop for a bathroom break. At one point we went 3 hours between bathroom breaks. Again, a shocker. I tend to need a stop at least every hour.
• Was able to use Spanish I learned over 2 years ago in high school. It was really fun being able to speak in a broken language. It was also good to feel hopeless. I never realized how I have always expected others to speak in English before.
• Realized I am really a beach bum.
• I love poverty. I loved being in the slums. Oh. My. Goodness!

Mexico was amazing! Thank you so much for all the prayers! With my appreciation and love!

Livia Pezley

Ensanada beach. 

Week 5: Check!

We have successfully reached half way through lecture phase of my DTS! Crazy!

Updates for outreach: I will be leaving November 10 from LAX to Kathmandu, Nepal. While in Nepal we will hike to an unreached village in the Himalayas for a week. I am completely ecstatic! BAHHHH! (Sorry, that was me being excited.) December 3 the orphan care DTS will be leaving for either Mumbai or Calcutta India and the human trafficking DTS will be leaving for Cambodia. December 28 both DTS groups will fly back to Nepal, then we will fly home to Vegas on December 29. Together, my beautiful new family will celebrate the New Year catching up on stories of God radically moving. January 9 I will "graduate" from YWAM Las Vegas. Then I embark on an adventure God has yet to fully reveal to me.

On Wednesday, our evening outreach was called the cross walk. We were in pairs and each pair took a turn carrying the cross. The other pairs walked behind and talked to people who were staring, talking about the cross or who we felt led by the Holy Spirit to talk to. God has given me a heart for talking to strangers. I love going up to people, striking up conversations and praying for them. I do not, however, enjoy having people watching me and talking about me. When it came to my partner and I's turn to carry the cross, I became very embarrassed. People were looking, glaring, and saying things about me. I did not want to carry the cross, and it was only three city blocks.

This made me reconsider what it means to daily take up my cross and follow Christ. I have never been in a place of absolute fear because of my faith. I have never had my life threatened because of my faith. I have never had service refused, rocks thrown or tires slashed because of my faith. Am I willing to pick up my cross and keep walking even when everybody is watching, laughing, pointing and standing back, not helping, encouraging, supporting, or caring for me? At what point am I going to say, "Enough God. I am done"? At what point will I drop the cross and walk away? If there is a point, I need to sit down and recalculate the cost. For outreach I will be going to a part of the world where Christians are martyred for their faith. Committed followers die even within the safe arms of God and YWAM. Count the cost. Is my life, is your life, truly worth losing just because you believe in some book written a couple thousand years ago?

Hopefully that was not too much of a downer. But seriously, read the Bible. The Bible is almost sickening. The most encouraging parts are words spoken to those enduring persecution. All those letters to the church, why did Saul write them? Because they were not living right or enduring persecution. Count the cost. Now, for the uplifting highlights of the past week:

This here is the cutest nail artist I have ever met!

• Monday evening was out last night babysitting for the Follam family. I was blessed with having a four year old paint my nails then blow dry them for me. He then proceed to blow dry my hair and his younger siblings faces. I am going to miss snuggling, blowing bubbles, playing outside and their hugs. I praise God for the time I was blessed by the 5 Follam children.
• Tuesday in class our speaker had us draw out our dreams. I really struggled with this. I have been told it is not good to dream because it will only mess with my heart. But if it is a God given dream, He will bring it around again and again and again. Dreaming with God is a beautiful thing. He is the perfecter of turning the craziest imagination into a reality, think creation. I dreamed with God about having a husband and lots of children. I dreamed of having an open door policy with middle school and high school age kids coming and going, more comfortable in our house than their own. I dreamed of a big garden where I could watch the miracle of growth. I fall deep in love with God when I let Him direct my imagination, and it is a beautiful thing.
• Thursday a lady who came with the speaker spoke on nutrition and the importance of having a healthy body. Our soul, mind and body must all be in sync to be completely effective for God. Loved hearing about nutrition, something I really have a passion for.
• Friday small group we looked at adoption from a Biblical stand point. Queen Ester was an orphan taken in by her cousin. She was also kidnapped and taken to the royal palace. Queen Ester played a part in both the orphan care crisis and human trafficking. Look at her life, she went on to save the nation of Israel. This opened my eyes. Who am I to doubt the abilities of those affected by being orphaned and trafficked. They have so much potential. They have the ability to save nations if only they are given the chance.

  

  I was like a wild animal in its natural habitat.

• Saturday we went hiking. There was lots of rock climbing, using a rope to get up and down different areas, splashing through some creeks and a hot spring! It was amazing! The rock formations blew my mind. I have never hiked in an area like this before. When we were all done, even my arms hurt from having to use my upper body. It was crazy fun. It was so good to be out of the city, be surrounded by nature, and breathe fresh air. 
• I was not created to be a people pleaser. I was created to find my identity, worth and value in God. This will be a life long process. I will have to work hard every single day to remember who I am. There will be days I will not submit to this, but that is okay.  It is okay. I am not a people pleaser. I am a mountain mover. I am created with a divine purpose. I am unique. I am beautiful. I am standing on a firm foundation. I am resting in the palm of the Protector.

Looking back on this week, I would never trade my faith for anything. If I die because of my faith, I would still do it all over again. To fall in love with the people I have met, to see the places God has taken me, to go deeper with my Daddy Abba, to blow bubbles with children, I would do it all over again. Nothing can take away the joy of following God.

 Thank you all for the prayers! With much love and gratitude!!
--Livia

Week 4: Check!

Yes, that is correct, week 4! How can that be?! It has gone by so quickly! My day quickly evaporates into a memory as I fall deeper in love with my Abba, my Daddy.

This week has been crazy, every evening we have been busy turning our typical 10 hour days into 12-15 hour days. Our speaker this week spoke my intellectual love language. Dry humor, very lacking in expression, just his voice going louder and softer. The topic this week was Biblical World View. We discussed topics such as dinosaurs and other giant animals, giants, Noah and the flood, the exodus from Egypt, aliens, atmospheric pressure and the end times. Every topic was presented as a lovely cake: the cake itself being historical facts and accounts, then covered with the frosting of Biblical accounts, then sprinkled with extreme sarcasm all forming the exact food needed to satisfy my appetite.

I struggled at the beginning of the week understanding the importance of the information. Why do I need to know about the Nephilum or about alien abductions in the religious view points? Who cares about matching science with the Bible when discussing the flood and extinction of everything big? Probably not orphan children in Nepal who are hungry. But of course I need to know this. These are the arguments of people yet to be believers. They will pick out parts of the Bible or parts of science and history and demand an explanation. Where there is obvious proof of something, for example fossils or palm trees found frozen in the Arctic, there must be an explanation. It was very exciting for me to have a speaker take the "secular" and turn it into the religious. There is no such thing as a secular-spiritual divide, and God is continuing to make that very clear to me. Science is nothing without the Creator of the world. Evolution is not possible without the Creator of the world. My life is nothing without the Creator of the world.

Wednesday evening we had a free prayer outreach. We went to Fremont, a downtown area, the so called family friendly version of the Strip, there is no such thing however. A guy dressed as Elvis approached me while I was holding the 'Free Prayer' sign. He told me right away that he was an atheist and asked me what I was doing. I told him we were praying and asked him if I could pray for him. He said, "Sure. It wont do me any good because there is no one out there, but if you want to." Let's get this straight, an atheist approached me and allowed me to pray for him even though "there is no one out there". It was such a neat, encouraging and joy filling situation. His eyes had a twinkling in them, saying much different things than his words.

Other highlights:

My amazing YWAM family. Just cause we live in the hood,
don't mean we can't look good!

• Monday night there was praise and worship night led by some amazing people from a church here in Vegas called Grace City. These people are highly invested in YWAM because they believe in championing young visionary missionaries. It was about two hours of music just sitting in the presence of the Lord.
• Tuesday evening we watched the Daniel Project. It is about the fulfillment of prophecy in today times. Did you know Jesus fulfilled 360 Old Testament prophecies just in the last 6 days of His ministry? Unfortunately I napped through 3/4 of the movie. The 1/4 I did see, however, was very good!
• Friday night I rocked a two and half year old for about 45 minutes during a babysitting outreach to a foster care family. So good to cuddle!
• Friday night was also karaoke night followed by a midnight o'clock Denny's trip. Lots of sugar, little sleep, and very early morning hours all combined for a priceless ab work out from lots of laughing!
• Saturday morning the speaker gave me a ride on his sports motorcycle. First time on a motorcycle, and it was way fun.
• Saturday evening we, as a YWAM family, went out on the town all fancied up to the cheesecake factory. We had a two hour wait that allowed for some adventuring on the strip and through Caesar's Palace. There was also lightening!!
• This afternoon I got to Skype with my family minus Isaac :(
• This afternoon me and another of my YWAM sisters, Hannah, were adventuring in the arts district of Fremont called Container Park. We walked past this salon called Doll House, and they offered to do our hair for free. I left with a very fancy braided up do and a lifted heart. I felt like a princess, like a very special grown woman. I have never had my hair professionally done before.  

God is doing so much work at transforming lives here in the city. I am falling in love with the 50 shades of brown that surround me. The ghetto does not scare me, but is my home. My home is on the corner of F and Washington, passed by by prostitutes, drug dealers, school children and working adults every day. I love my Daddy, my Abba, who brought me here. He has an amazing imagination that is beautiful when it comes to life!

With much love, peace and grattitude, 

Livia Pezley

Praises!

I am compelled to write because of two HUGE praises I have for God: 1. I slept through the night Tuesday into Wednesday. I woke up right before my alarm and only had one dream that was neither bad nor good. Sounds ridiculous, but I do not remember the last time I slept through the night. 2. It rained on Monday!

I am finding joy in seeing the realities of a fallen world. For example, the other night, I went out with three other young ladies to pass out doughnuts to women on the streets at about 8:30ish. Doughnuts provided us with a way to show love to the prostitutes. My favorite response however came from one lady who replied, "I can only have one, I need to watch my shape." Wait, I think along those lines also! God gave me a connection to the prostitutes. We both like doughnuts and care about our body shape. I have this unnoticed view that I am better because I am not a prostitute, but I am not, we are alike. I am still struggling to process this, but it makes it easier to love when there is a connection.

Last night, Friday night, was outreach night. ODTS (Orphan Care DTS) went over to a family with 5 children, ages 6 and under. I vacuumed for about an hour. I do not know whether I need the vacuum more or the house needed the vacuum more. I hopped around the kitchen with two of the children like a kangaroo and a bunny and we ate frozen grapes. It was perfect. The counters were sticky, floor dirty, children's hair needed brushed, and it felt like home. I miss the family I nanny for. I miss being with kids. I miss feeling like I am making a difference. Lots of times I struggle here on base feeling like I belong and am connecting with the people I live with. I am used to being with kids were if you can make cool flowers out of Playdough, you're in! I have struggled living a "grownup" life, however I feel like God is adding in things, my comfort things, a little at a time, reimmersing me so I can adequately adjust to old life under the new love I have found in God.

Other highlights:

• Wednesday night we helped clean up after baby convention. We helped collected donations the vendors did not want to take home. Living on  base all the time we really do not get to meet new people often. I also fit into some of the stroller and enjoyed being pushed around. 
• Thursday in small group we talked about being a woman. Yes, I am a woman, but no I do not really live by it. I live for jeans and t-shirts. I am not into the dressing up, make-up, girly things. I took the comments of beauty being fleeting and turned them into a lie meaning beauty is pointless. God did not make my body so I could hate it. God made my body so I can love it and others with it. He gave me little arms that struggle opening jars so I can unapologeticly ask my larger armed male counterpart for help, and that is okay. I am learning to take pride in being a woman, and it is very joy filled.
• Thursday night we went over to a staff members house. He and his wife have five children and live in a neighborhood with trees and grass!
• Yesterday I gave two presentations. One of the Bible character Ruth and the other on YWAM Core Value #6, Championing Young People. 
• Tea time is my favorite thing. Tuesday and Thrusday from 10:15-10:30 and Friday from 3-4 we have community bonding time. We are served coffee, tea or chia with expired pastries. YWAM continues to prove it is very sketchy, yet it continues to prove even more the joy of being in community.

Prayer Requests and Struggles:

• I am really struggling from not having human touch. On campus we would give hugs like nobody's business and being a nanny I always had the kids. I never realized how simply touching a person changes them. 
• God is working and rearranging my agenda some more. I ask for prayer on clarity in hearing Him and a willingness to follow.
• This was a tough week. The speaker upset me on a lot of things, but I learned respect. I do not think this will be the toughest week by any means however. I ask for prayer that I learn to not shut down and build up a wall, but that I am open firstly with God and then with others. Please pray for vulnerability.
• Safety for the women on the streets. There is a turf war of sorts happening where we are at. These women are women just like me. They are doing their job and trying to survive. Please pray for their safety and their openness with YWAM and other organizations trying to provide safe havens for them.

Thank you! With much love!

Livia

Week 2: Check!

My day begins at 4:50. Sometimes I climb off my top bunk, sometimes I lay there a little longer. I proceed to the bathroom to get cleaned up. By 5:15 a.m I have drank 20 oz of water and have coffee brewing. I then spend time with the Lord. Sometimes that means laying in the prayer room listening to music, sometimes journal, sometimes reading the Bible, sometimes conversing with God, and sometimes I mix it all together. By 6 I have completed my first cup of coffee and have drank 40 oz of water. I pour myself a new cup of coffee, grab some breakfast and proceed to the back courtyard of the complex where I have less of a chance of being disturbed. By 8 a.m I head inside to brush my teeth and refill my water bottle, by now I should have drank 60 oz of water.

This past week our class, we spend about 5 hours in class each day, was discussing the Father Heart of God. Some key points that have very much impact me from this week are:

• We build walls only to paint them with expectations that people love, but we are not the wall, we are hiding behind the wall
• Living without expectations brings in a deep vulnerability
• For example: Not saying, "I expect you to love me" but "I desire you to love me"
• True sons and daughters are unafraid to be transparent because they do not find their worth in others
• Waiting for instructions is a good indication we do not know who we are
• Guilt= I am not doing enough; Shame= I am not enough
• The Father never wastes a hurt
• Obey in Hebrew means to listen, it has nothing to do with performance
• We need to listen to the Lord, not perform for Him
• Performing is not truly to impress God, but to impress others
• With adoption comes a new name, not an earthly name, but a divinely appointed name which will contradict what we have always believed about ourselves

Because I have been adopted by the Creator of the Universe, my new name is Livia Francis, the loved and beautiful and brave one. Why? I have not always been told I was loved or beautiful by those closest. I was told goodnight and beauty is not important. I was told to be strong, but being strong is holding in emotion, carrying heavy loads and never being knocked down. Loved is being vulnerable. Beautiful is believing everyday a different part of me is wonderful, even my weird looking big toe. Brave is being scared and is getting knocked down, but getting back up and fighting because I have firm beliefs I will defend no matter what the cost. 

Here is the picture I drew with my new name. Out of relationships comes thriving; out of thriving stems the word Abba and adoption. Out of adoption stems the big leaf at the top reading 'who I am' and the flower. At the center of the flower is 'love', in each leaf is 'beautiful' and then 'brave'. We have journal requirements that will be read by our one-on-one leader, one of the requirements at the end of the week is to reflect in a creative manner, this is my creative reflection!

Other challenges from this week:

-Last night, Saturday, we did evangelism for two hours on the strip. This was my first time on the strip at night. God opened my eyes to the reality of what a fallen world looks like. I came back to base and I could smell alcohol and smoke on me from just walking around.

-I was, once again, disturbed during my morning devotions by a guy. This one however, asks me questions, making me think, not simply accept, my faith. For example, "Do you believe in the secular?" and "Is Jesus the ends to the means or the means to the end?"

-Went three days without fruit.

-Wrote a book report on the book Is That Really You, God? by Loren Cunningham. This book tells the story of the birth of YWAM. I forgot how much motivation it takes to read a required book and write a report.

-Cockroaches. They are multiplying. Why, Noah, did you let them on the ark?!

-Noticing the poor. They have become part of the scenery. 

I apologize for not blogging more. The week has been busy, something I am not used too. As I become more accustomed to the scheduling, I will be better at posting how God at work in Las Vegas, in me, and through me. He is constantly on the move in our lives. Be mindful that business takes our eyes off of the miracles around us. Take a break, marvel at the beauty of God, He may never show Himself in the same way again.

With much gratitude and love!

Livia Pezely, the loved and beautiful and brave one!