Joyful Freedom

I talked to my sister on the phone the other day. I am constantly floored by her bravery. She recently moved to Pennsylvania; we now sandwich our family in Iowa. She has over come and accomplished incredible things. She completed high school, excelled through college, flourished in social settings, and walked across the stage this past May receiving a diploma declaring her hard work. She did not settle for anything less than greatness. Just when I thought she was this great woman of ambition, she moved half way across the country to a town she was completely unfamiliar with. In this town she did not have a single friend, did not have a church body, did not know where the grocery store, she didn't even a have an apartment to unpack her belongings in, only a job. She moved with bravery and courage. She is a woman setting the bar high for the rest of us.

I think of my other sister who just received her second college degree. My brother in his senior year of college and his girl friend pursuing a nursing degree who spent her summer working in a nursing home, something she did not want to do and was not excited for. They are pursuing incredible things. I am so proud of them. They will soon all receive a title boxing them into a profession, but what is under their skin is so much more than a title could ever tell.

I am in a strange town. Life is mundane here; normal, average, consistent. I am currently sitting in the public library. Moms are shushing their children talking with voices echoing against the tall ceilings. Typical fashion: jeans tucked into X-tra Tuf boots, long sleeves (most likely flannel buttoned all the way), with a vest on top, or overalls (jean or Carhart) covering flannels and old sweatshirts; none of which is done to foster the hipster community, it is simply life. The fishermen stand out, their eyes seem to be glassy with colors reflecting the ocean, slightly bleached by the sun. Our sea side location welcomes the overcast clouds, the sun shines for about 14 hours a day still, but only when the clouds permit, maybe two or three times a week.

Last week we split base duties among our small staff of nine. My new job: kitchen coordinator, community outreach director, assisting in other administrative duties as needed and occasionally child care. All fancy terms for: grocery shopping, cooking, sweeping, and playing with children. 

I have often sat in silence before my three apartment mates have awoken thinking, "What am I doing with my life?" 

"Yes, God wants you to do signs and wonders. But the love of God manifested through you is what people really need. So you first must see His face. You must become so close to His very heartbeat that you can feel what others feel." 

-Heidi Baker

I sat in silence this past week with eyes looking at my empty hands, seeing nothing. My eyes were turned down ward. Love was standing in front of me, confused as to why I would not look at Him. Mercy wanted me to see Him, Salvation wanted me to see what He gave to me. 

It is the woeful Juliet, dramatically calling to her beloved Romeo, "Tis' but thy name that is my enemy..." 

I have began to read the book Culture of Honor by Danny Silk. In the introduction he speaks on showing honor by calling others by the name of who they are: apostle, prophet, teacher, pastor, evangelist. Names defining how we relate to each other: free sons and daughters, children of light. And names truly describing us: royalty, wealthy, benefactor. 

A couple doing their DTS here have two small girls. In reading Silk's book, these girls are not children of DTS students or my neighbors or cute little Swiss girls. They are life givers, shapers of nations, lovers of curiosity, devourers of eggs and rice, women of standards. They encapsulate vision, passion, dreams, and gifts, uniquely picked for them by the Wild One, not able to be fully expressed through their words yet. These young freedom chasers are missionaries.

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion." 

-Brennan Manning

I suggest you all watch this video. Be inspired. Listen to Holy Spirit. Wait in expectancy of Papa Faithful as you cry out, begging for revival, signs, and wonders, not sitting around, but in turn faithfully stepping into the plans before us, loving the one as he has been loved and named by our Daddy.

(And yes, I have repent of calling life mundane. I have actually made many friends at the grocery store, become a regular at a coffee shop, and made new mom friends as I tote around two blond girls. He gives us a funny life if we allow ourselves to walk in joyful freedom!)

The New Addition

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."

Psalm 103:13,14

10 days. I have lived in Homer, Alaska for 10 days. I sometimes feel myself become homesick for Vegas, something I never thought I would say. I miss our neighbor kids, the girls on our streets, the heat, sunsets on the desert mountains, and my Vegas family. The past two years have consisted of a lot of moving: camp, college, Pella, Vegas, Nepal, India, and several short places in between. My suitcase has become a familiar dresser for me. I feel as though it is time for me to pack up and move again, the concept of living in Homer has yet to fully set in.

Last Monday was my first day of work. We sat around a table as a staff, held hands, and our director led us in prayer before we shared a welcome breakfast for me. He started the prayer saying, "Family. God, we thank you for family."

Stung a little. Part of me does not want to give up all the family I have scattered throughout the Lower 48. But more so, it was welcoming. Yes, this is my new family.

Last week we remodeled an old coffee shop for the new YWAM base. As a family we divided jobs according to abilities, and worked together. We painted, trimmed, scrubbed floors, wiped walls, cleaned windows, and installed lights. There was humility in not being afraid to ask for help, no shame in what we were not able to do, and respect in helping others. This is what a family does, we work side-by-side, laughing along the way.

Yesterday part of the staff went halibut fishing. I'm not talking leisurely sitting in a lawn chair by the river on a Sunday afternoon fishing either, this was fishing on a boat in the ocean. At one point there was four of us on deck. Suddenly, the two salmon lines were being pulled and two halibut lines were being pulled. Catching a salmon is a two person job: one to real in the line and the other to hold the net. Our director and owner of the boat were going insane with the salmon lines, and the other staff guy and I had to bring in the other lines. After the madness calmed down, the boat owner laughed and said, "Man, good thing we have a good family out here today."

I have two apartment mates, one is a DTS student and the other a staff gal. We eat dinner together, often inviting others over to join us. We have a small table, six rusty folding chairs and a hodgepodge of dishes. The table has an antique looking, severely outdated dim lamp and a bamboo plant, not the most attractive centerpieces. Our dinners are randomly put together, not always matching in flavor. We share responsibilities, not keeping track of who did dishes last. And at night, there is no hurry away from the table, we sit around laughing, doing life together. 

The verse from Psalm 103 has been impressed on my heart. The way Abba knows our frame is an intimate love. He sees everything. He knows our wildest dreams, our deepest cravings, the silly thoughts we have throughout the day and every detail of our stumbling. It is mesmerizing to me how He looks at me, remembers I am dust, and still desires to know every part of me. He is the Creator of family. We are dust, not invincible humans, we need help along the way.When I am able to look at myself and those around me, remember God created us out of dust and breathed His very own breath into us, then I will be able to love as a family member is to love. 

They are the new addition to my family and I am the new addition to theirs. Just as when we bring another brother or sister to Christ, He does not forget about us, He rejoices with the growing family, this does not mean I am replacing or being replaced. We are bring more and more to the table, not replacing those already seated, simply rejoicing with the biggering party.

Finding Home

It was an adventure week. Two particularly popular C.S Lewis quotes come to mind:

"If we find ourselves with a desire nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."

"Make your choice, adventurous Stranger; strike the bell and bide the danger, or wonder till it drives you mad, what would have followed if you had."

In traveling I have learned a few things. Two of the greatest things I have learned: home is a relative word, and love is an underused word.

For me, home is a place of refuge. This has come in many forms for me. For many high school spring breaks home was a tent in a church court yard in south Texas. For a couple summers home was a secluded camp in the mountains of Alaska. For a while home was Vegas, a cold marble apartment in Nepal, and an orphanage of 67 sisters in India. 

In Iowa, the best part of home was the kitchen table. It is where were friends would gather to become family. Age no longer mattered, I could sit and play games with my sister and her friends. My brother and his football friends would come, and it was okay for me to talk to them, only in the kitchen though, never in the hallways at school. My friends would come over for late night "study" sessions and laugh with my mom. Mom would lecture us all on the importance of school, working hard and retaining our morals, and we were all more than okay with it. My parents would no longer be Mr. and Mrs. Pezley, rather Jerry and Kris. All food was free game, they would no longer ask before opening the fridge door.

Home: a refuge. To find home, I learned, I have to be vulnerable. Acceptance, community and family comes at a risky exchange: comfortable walls crumbling to allow others to see all we are. 

The adventure and risk is worth it. The adventure may make you sick, you may get lost and become afraid, you may meet people who are unfriendly to you, you may find a thousand reasons to never desire leaving your home town. But along the way, you will find other things. 

In India I learned the impact of human touch. I have never been afraid of kissing and holding children, no matter how dirty and foul smelling. One beautiful little sister in India had head sores, very contagious. She was embarrassed. One day she was having another sister clean her sores, when she saw me she instantly tried to cover them with a scarf. When I tried to uncover them, she looked down, buried her head in her lap and covered herself with her hands, she was ashamed. I forcefully removed her hands, leaned down, kissed one of the sores and said, "I love you." My heart broke. I loved her.

The adventure is risky to the heart. You soon fall in love with people and places. Your pallet begins to enjoy the flavor. Your senses begin to welcome the strange smells, bringing you peace instead of fear. Your body relaxes in the company of others. So why not tell them you love them? 

I was ingrained with the mentality you love your family, a few friends, and your future spouse, otherwise to say you love something is abuse of the word. There is nothing more adventurous then falling in love with others, bridging the gap from people to family.

I love Jesus, friends, both male and female, coffee, biking, hiking, mountains, lightening bugs, baby animals, and picking flowers along the road side. I love running through life with others. I love pillows and adventuring. I love quotes, reading, and my water bottle. I do not love every situation I find myself in, but I love knowing God is with me in every situation.

We risk loosing a part of ourselves everyday as we push the covers back, planting our feet on the floor. We risk finding new things we love. Slowly, home becomes less about location, building or shelter. The more I travel, the more I realize we truly are not home. My soul is never fully satisfied. I may find peace and rest, yet my yearning for the Throne Room becomes greater with each adventure.

Soul Rest

A week ago I left Vegas exhausted; physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was not excited to come home. I was leaving a community that daily sought God, were unafraid to radically dream, and were willing to be led by the Spirit, no matter how crazy. I was in fear of a lot of things.

I knew coming home I would be around people who do not understand what I do or why I do it, and would be discouraging. I knew people would give me their own opinions about what they think I should be doing, even pertaining to ministry. I knew there would be a thousand questions as soon as I got off the plane. I knew my family and friends have been doing things without me and I would not understand all their jokes. I knew I would feel like an outsider. I knew people would not understand when I say I am excited to run in the dark by myself without getting shot or mistaken for a prostitute, I am not joking. I knew people would not understand I need time to be with God to process and rest, a lot of time.

I knew these things, and I allowed them to make me bitter before I even left instead of taking them to God and asking Him how He would like me to handle each situation.

Here are five things that helped my soul find peace, my heart love, my body rest, and my mind abandon bitterness.

1. Meditation
A quote from the book The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge struck me. "Once again, the step sisters' voices have convinced her that she is contemptible in soul and body, only good for the homeliest of tasks. Fortunately for Cinderella, the Prince is a romantic who will not give up searching the city until he has found her, and they live happily ever after. And so it will be with us who are the beloved of the great Prince who is Jesus. It is this destiny that so enrages our enemy and makes him determined to destroy the love affair that he can never have a part of." And that is what was happening. The enemy stole my focus from the wild love affair God was offering me.

2. Coffee and Heidi Baker
Separate, or together, both are great. One particular video was her telling a story of being chased by men with guns while driving. In the moment she said she was absolutely terrified, "With all that was in me I screamed His name. I did not scream a cuss word, I screamed the name of Jesus, my Bridegroom King, the one who loves me, the One who called me to do what I do, the One who holds my hand, the One who levels mountains, the One who takes metal gates and moves them." I was convicted. Am I screaming my Bridegroom's name, or am I sitting in silent defeat?

3. Community
In leaving the community I loved in Vegas, I deemed all other forms of community outside of YWAM "less than". WRONG! Where two or more are gathered God is there, YWAMers or not. The Holy Spirit does not dwell just with one group. The power and presence of God is not restricted to certain organizations, regions or people. There is joy in being with the family.

4. The Outdoors
The outdoors is  a place for me to rest with Abba, even with 100% humidity and mosquitoes. I was believing the lie I was to feel guilty not spending time with others. It is not selfish to take time for self care, it is essential, hence why God established the Sabbath. When we are not well rested in the body, our mind and soul will not be well rested. When one part of us is even slightly off, we will not be able to run full speed with Him.

5. Family
The one thing I was most worried about. The only way to conquer fears and lies is to give them to God and allow Him to speak truth into our lives. Then we have to go live. Avoiding the struggles out of anxiety is not living in freedom, rather we are saying God's power cannot shine bright enough in the situation to make it okay. There is no room for fear in the children of God. Yes, we do need to discern when we are to shake the dust off our feet, but more so, I am to make sure everyday I am putting on the full armor of God. The enemy lies. Turns out my family is more fun than I remember.

I messed up a lot. I expected others to know what I needed, and instead of communicating what I needed, I withheld grace and negatively isolated myself. The past week has been rough. I have not always been kind or respectful. In these situations I understand what it is to be extended grace by others and to extend grace to others. They do not always understand, just as I do not understand. They are over bearing, just as I am overbearing. They are impatient with me, just as I am impatient with them. Each time I withheld grace, He extended more grace to me, bringing me again to the floor of the Throne Room, yet again offering me a wild love relationship with Him.

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:26,27

The End For Now

3 weeks, 5 groups, and 1 crazy wild later, YWAM Las Vegas Mission Adventure Summer 2015 program has officially ended. And here is the finale photo recap.

Half of my small group. The week was difficult for me, but my small group contained joy. Their worship filled and encouraging words were a true reflection of the treasures they have stored in their hearts.

Crosswalk outreach. Each group came back with a minimum of three positive conversations with strangers. Another bonus: the cross did not hit any pedestrians in the head!

We had another Foster Connect babysitting night. The family we babysat for had five children and were excited to go to the Home Depot for their date night, I guess without children that could be fun...?

This little guy liked to snuggle and be tickled. 

In honor of National Cheesecake (July 30th), a group of staff girls went for half-off cheese cake. It was fellowship in a wonderful, delicious sense of the word.

Video survey outreach. We use the tactic of video surveys with three questions (What is love? When do you feel most loved? What do you think when you hear, "God loves you"?) to engage in conversation. The location we choose attracts many foreign tourists. One of the pairs was able to have a conversation and pray for a lady in Korean. 

YWAM LV's base founder gives a two day lecture on evangelism. He speaks on us being commanded by God to evangelism (Mark 16:15, Matthew 28:18), we are compelled by His love (2 Corinthians 5:14), and compassion (Mark 6:34) being driving factors to why we do what we do. One fun acronym many MA groups typically remember as to why we do not evangelism is the BARF factor: bad experiences, apathy, "run-belief"/unbelief causing us to run away, and fear of man. Through the lecture, groups gain an understanding of the importance of telling a lost world, are more prepared in approaching strangers, more prepared to share the Gospel and their testimonies, and are more confident when failure does come.

Viva La Worship outreach. Out of unashamed faith, we take worship, the Gospel message and testimonies to the Strip of Las Vegas and loudly proclaim who He is. 

Wordless sign outreach. These boy's sign is showing our chains being broken in Perfect Love. 

Thursday evening we have Commitment Service. It is a time of worship and reflection on the week and who God is. We challenge the groups to listen to His voice and make a commitment to something; long term missions, leading a small group, telling a friend about Christ, going to a specific country, no commitment is "small". 

The two wheels represent our circle of influence. The wheel on the left contains different ministries YWAM LV currently has, and other spheres different staff members have a heart for. The right wheel is different spheres the MA missionaries distinguished as ministry opportunities; some include farmers, musicians, hipsters, basketball team, and long boarders. It is easy to identify our spheres: where our passions are. 

The crazy group. Best part: the two groups are merged. When the family comes together, there is no distinction of skin, age, geography or denomination. 

And then come the good by's. Each hug is a reminder to be present and invest in others lives. It is not about me. It is all about Him. Every tear streaked face walking away is a testimony to the moving power of God. The family gets a little bit bigger each week.

9 weeks away from Iowa came and went, and just like that, it is over. Now I am off to finish my laundry, pack my suitcase, and board a plane tomorrow morning. Farewell for now Vegas.

The Healthy Ones

Sometimes we forget what healthy is, what it looks like, what it feels like. Living as we live, seeing what we see, hearing what we hear, I know what unhealthy is. I know what unhealthy lives like, speaks like, feels like, and smells like.

The past week we ran a normal MA group: lectures, homeless sack lunch, wordless sign outreaches, 2x2 evangelism. work duties and the like. We also had the opportunity to host a banquet. We opened our doors to our neighbors, welcoming them into our home, seating them and serving them. Our neighbors represent a variety of lives: moms, dads, children, homeless, prostitutes, students, drug dealers, drug addicts, and pimps. In opening our home to them, we provide a safe place, for many, this may be the only safe place they have been in months. Pimps sitting across from prostitutes, having conversation. Moms who have only served, being served for once, not having to worry about preparing a meal or cleaning up after. Children receiving a full meal: hamburgers, corn, salad, kabobs. Our eating room was filled with a mixture of smells: grilled meat, unwashed bodies, sweat from our servers, lingering cigarette smoke on clothes, and for me a shirt that a baby peed on.

"Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

Matthew 20:26-28

One girl in the MA group specifically asked me to not put her as a server because she does not like talking to people, she told me she is very shy and awkward. Naturally, I handed her a cutting board with bread, and sent her to serve. She came back to refill the bread, not happy, claiming no one wants dinner rolls. So I sent her out to make conversation. By the end of the night she was beaming, no longer shy or afraid, she was competent to speak and have fellowship. She overcame and broke the bondage to a lie.

The neighbor girl, Nana, asked me if I loved her at the
banquet, my response was an immediate, "Yes!!"

The joy of liberation for me was momentary. I was able to hold a baby girl, 8 months, for a while. Her mom was eating, leaving the hungry baby alone. I spoon fed the baby soft banana. She soon began to rock herself, pushing her chest and head far away from my body in a violent soothing motion. The reality of this young girl, Royalty, came to me. She was not being fed by her mom, she has learned to self-sooth by the age of 8 month, and she was seemingly more comfortable in the arms of a stranger than in the arms of her mother.

The reality of Royalty hurt. 

Friday night, three others and I made a spontaneous trip to LA for the Crossfit games. I was sleeping in the back seat when I was awoken to a cold burst of air: the windows were open. Fresh, cool air. Trees and grass. The place we spent the night was in a real neighborhood: houses with mowed lawns, flower beds, painted fences and windows without boards. 

The Crossfit games are designed to determine the strongest man and woman on the earth, essentially the Olympics of CF. Food vendors were a reflection of these elite human's dietary standards: avocado with egg, steak, salad, protein smoothies and apples. The health of community was present. In one of the men's heat, a competitor limped across the finish line far behind all the others, he received the loudest applause and was greeted and cheered on by all the other competitors. 

The CF games  facility was filled with some of the most elite humans on earth with fans equally as elite. They gathered together, were inspired by each other, and will go home, almost like a revival for the CF community. They will go back to their home and continue to workout in the community of their box. Their robust bodies, selective diet and bright dress attire set them apart from others on the street. They meet four or five times a week for an intensive workout of practical moves that enables them to better live in everyday life (you squat to sit down, you cling and press when picking a child up and throwing him/her into the air, the moves really are practical). Crossfitters were walking around with poise and confidence, maybe out of pride, but I saw a crowd of people who were aware of the bodies. These people worked hard, sweat, blood and tears, they sought out a higher standard of living because they knew their bodies were capable of more.

I saw a glimmer of the church. The games were similar to a conference: blow on the coals slowly turning into embers, and send the people out with a refueled fire. We are to meet frequently as a community throughout the week, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and seek God out in our daily lives.Our faith is to saturate all areas of life, being something to aid us in every move we make, not simply an activity we do once a day.  The church is to be community and fellowship. When they see us on the streets, will they know who we are, or do we have to tell them? Are we allowing ourselves to move the way we were designed to spiritually, or do we conform to a rigid right and wrong mentality of what faith looks like?

The weekend challenged me to a higher standard of living. Spirit, mind, body. One CF competitor said the mind is over half the competition in CF. Do I limit God moving because I am scared to be radical? Do I rise to the challenge of living under a Heavenly citizenship (Philippians 3:20)? Or do I succumb to the limitations of an easier life? Will I allow the unhealthy around me move me to greater compassion, or will I defer to bitterness?

To live in Christ is a challenge to see the unhealthy, and remain healthy through His strength, so that we may heal in His name alone.

"So we are Christ's ambassadors; God is making His appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, "Come back to God!""

2 Corinthians 5:20

MA: Week One

Week one of MA was refreshing. A youth group from Vegas and a youth group from New Jersey came together, formed a team of 32 and took to the streets of Vegas. With so many exciting stories, and a personal lack of blogging, I figured the best way to recap the week would be through photos!

Two staff members and I kicked off the week with a camping trip. Four significant things about this trip: grass, trees, stars, and cold air. 

First night with the MA teams we went to Sunrise Mountain which overlooks Vegas to pray for the seven spheres of society. Idea of the night is to introduce the groups to the reality of Vegas, both positive and negatives, and began to give them a heart for the city God loves.

My incredible small group for the week!

Wordless Sign outreach: Groups of three or four MA missionaries paint a sign to attract tourists' attention on the Strip and through their photo are able to share the Gospel. This particular sign was illustrating the love of God unbinding us from sin.

During wordless sign, these two boys were able to pray for a homeless man. This was both of their first times praying for a stranger. They both admitted to being nervous, but came away smiling, excited for their next chance to pray for a stranger.

Cross walk outreach is one of the tougher outreaches because the cross automatically strikes emotion inside of people, especially a large wooden cross being carried down the Las Vegas Strip by teenagers. 

Groups typically go out nervous, receive many harsh comments and foul language thrown their way, and somehow always walk away with crazy stories of God encounters with strangers. 

I was able to talk to a man who was very perturbed by the cross walk outreach. He was mad we were doing this, telling me Christ died on the cross, we are all sinners, religion divides people, and we do not need to do this. His theology began well, talking about the freedom in Christ, then he began mentioning aliens, hot spots over cities, the true reason for space shuttle explosions, California falling into the ocean and a world inside of our world. He suggested I stop believing all the lies government tells me through public education and watch the YouTube....

My personal favorite outreach of the week was partnering with Foster Connect and babysitting for different Foster Care families in Vegas. The family my small group babysat for was able to celebrate their 14th wedding anniversary without their five children, something they said they would not have been able to do if Foster Connect had not arranged a date night for them. I left with so much love after snuggling with these girls!

Other outreaches included video surveys, homeless sack lunches, trash pick up, free prayer and 2x2 where groups of two are sent out to proclaim the Good News just as Jesus sent out His disciples.

We ended the week with another camping outing, this time 14 of us. 

Me, Hannah and Vacheral, all three returning from the Best DTS Ever to staff YWAM Las Vegas. Oh the places we have gone and the mountains we have climbed together! 

Camp site of the night. No tents needed.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."John 16:33