Courageous With Hope

Thailand planning is going as much as before. More details. More emails. More numbers. The excitement to again be in a third world nation daily grows. The thrill comes in thinking through navigating foreign public transportation, the aroma of spices from street food vendors, playing with barefooted Burmese refugee children, and worshiping with believers in a language I cannot understand.

Little things increase the excitement to go. One morning I was in the library with the Swiss girls. There was a Native woman softly reading a children's book out loud to herself. I saw the humble spirit of this woman as she, a grown adult, sat in the children's corner, stumbling through books, teaching herself to read, as her young daughters played, speaking perfect English to each other.

Another morning there was snow flake making. While Andrina was only interested in shredding paper with scissors, a Chinese woman across the table struggled to teach her children how to fold the paper. I showed her how to properly fold and cut the paper to form different shapes. I taught this lady something I learnt in elementary school. In a few short weeks it will be reversed roles, where I will be learning what is basic to others for the first time.

The next closest trip, however, is Wednesday for me. The director and I will be joining a ministry called Carry The Cure and go to Hooper Bay, a Yup'ik village on the west coast of Alaska. Mid October, Hooper Bay experienced four suicides in 2 weeks. Carry The Cure seeks to carry the cure to suicide into Native Alaskan villages. The cure: a message of hope.

Not only is much of Alaska physically dark, but the spiritual darkness subsiding over many villages comes in the form of rape, incest, abuse, and alcoholism. Hooper Bay has a population where 50% of people are under the age of 18. 30% of homes are female ran with no male present. 41% of the population live under the poverty line with a 37% unemployment rate. There are no known residents with a four year college graduate certificate. Physical seclusion of villages secludes victims of such offenses from leaving. They are stuck. And so the cycle perpetuates. Two ways of escaping: suicide or hope. But hope must first be brought.

The attack in Paris. A CNN article entitled 'The World's Most Dangerous Place To Be Pregnant'. Displacement of Syrian men, women and children. Airstrikes over Lybia. They are international news headlines piercing the hearts of people globally. Within each of these are individuals with testimonies.

Then there are testimonies not making news headlines, some stories not even being recognized by those closest to us. Depression. fear of failure, feelings of purposelessness, perfectionists, eating too little, eating too much, anxiety, chronic headaches, bitterness, lack of love. These thoughts, feelings, and emotions are a reality to some, each unique from the next.

We carry with us testimonies of hope. It is through the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony we overcome. Our hearts are the tablets on which hope, restoration and reconciliation are written on.

The vision for joining with Carry the Cure is to partake in anti-bullying and suicide prevention activities in Hooper Bay schools. The reality being I can do nothing unless I allow my heart to become a tablet of stone for Abba to write upon, a tablet to be known and read by all. The light we seek to shine in Hooper Bay does not dismiss the darkness. The light is to shine into the darkness, clearly illuminating God's presence the entire time. The light is to shine redemption in each story, illuminating not another haunting statistic, rather a testimony of overcoming by the Lamb.

We are not alone. We are living stories. We are living hope. Let us be courageous with the stories of hope we carry.

"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs. But people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else. A living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things."

-Jamie Tworkowski

Names

Wednesday morning we, YWAM staff and students, went to the ocean and prayed for our brothers and sisters in China. To conclude our time of prayer, we stood in a line and shouted words towards China, words God says and desires for them: boldness in living, courage in speaking, tender in serving. It was strange, and I can only imagine what we looked like. The intercession leader kept reminding us we share the same ocean with China, the water crashing against the shores of Homer, Alaska, are the same waters crashing against the shores of Shanghai, China. The world became much smaller within that thought.

Three more weeks until DTS lecture phase is concluded. November 30, two staff and one of the students fly to Tokyo, Japan and begin outreach. I will join them December 24 for a week, then lead the team into Thailand December 31-January 21. Which means: plane tickets.

Much of this week's focus has been around finding plane tickets for reasonable prices with reasonable layovers, or reasonable locations for unreasonably long layovers. The two staff going on outreach and I sat looking for tickets for three hours Monday evening, this does not include all the hours spent the days leading up to the moment we finally bought tickets. Next day: half my tickets were cancelled.

Many moons later, two to be exact, I purchased all my tickets and was ensured I did have seats on the planes. Next comes the finalization of outreach logistics: ministry time, food, ground transportation, lodging. Overwhelming in appearance, simple in light of who we serve. While in Thailand we will work with Burmese and Karen refugees and with another ministry called Beautiful Feet, focusing on children at risk of drugs, poverty and child prostitution in Chiang Mai.

The goal: love the one for who they were created to be, not who they are told they are.

Excellent stress reliever: good company and pizookie. Do not know what a pizookie is? A pizza cookie. Cooked edges, soft gooey inside, topped with ice-cream. Look up pictures and you will be sure to want one!

Excellent stomach ache enhancer: eat half a pizookie the next day for lunch.

Another stress reliever (and miss half of work duties): hiding under counters. One of Andrina's favorite things to do is hide under the counter with me, yell people's name, hide, giggle and do it again if they do not see us, or laugh when they do, and then do it again. She is joyous.

This week I stood on the ocean shore and watched one of the DTS students dump her son's ashes into the ocean. It was incredible to watch. Her son drowned when he was four, 14 years ago. She was inspired by a new understanding of what Jesus meant when he said, "It is finished." She let go because He died to finish carrying the pain and burden for her.

Jefferson Bethke says in one of his spoken words videos, "Religion is man searching for God. Christianity is God searching for man..because when He said 'it is finished', I believe he meant it."

The search is over. I found the one my heart loves. I have found the pearl. He climbed down from the tree and walked out of the grave for me. He sought out His disciples, calling them by name, loving them amidst their doubt, fear and hiding. He still calls us, whispering to our hearts, "Come away with Me." He calls us by name, not the names surrounding our failures and success, or in description of our occupation and responsibilities. He calls us who we are. The brave. The beautiful. The loved. The passionate. The free. And so the list goes on.

"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the Lion.

Fellowship

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!

Psalm 133:1

The speaker this week, Graeme, is originally form Australia, but has spent many years living in India and traveling the world. Each night while here, he made chia and invited everybody over to the apartment he was staying in. He is a highly political and intellectual man. He would share stories and pitch challenging thoughts to discuss. Respecting each expressed voice, and fearlessly challenging further.

Thursday evening Graeme planned a large meal. There was four of us in the kitchen at the time cooking, Graeme looked at me and said, "Why don't you fix yourself and I a hot drink, and we can sit down and talk." Hesitantly I put down the knife I was cutting vegetables with and went to make two cups of tea. Our help was needed in the kitchen, I was slightly confused. I brought in our tea, two chairs and we sat in the kitchen. He made himself available to any questions about cooking as needed, but was intentional. He took time to sit down and talk with me.

He took time to care.

Graeme emailed me the recipe for his chia. One of the key ingredients: good company.

Friday we did an outreach called treasure hunting. We pray, sit and listen for God. He may speak to us in song lyrics, pictures, words, anyway. We then take what God has spoken to us and "find it".

My partner, Anna, and I prayed and listened. Anna felt we were to visit our apartment neighbor. I saw a picture of a coffee shop called Two Sisters and the verse Genesis 1:5,6 speaking of God creating light. Anna laughed and said she thought Two Sisters but dismissed the thought thinking it was selfish.

We quickly drove to Two Sisters, purchased coffee and sweets, then visited our neighbor lady. Completely shocked, she answered her door, curlers still in her hair, and invited us in. She kept saying how big of a treat this is, she never buys things like this for herself. She is a single, elderly lady. Her children and grandchildren all live in the lower 48. We spent some time just talking, being light to darkness. She is a Christian, but a lonely Christian. We all prayed together before Anna and I left. It was encouraging, for all of us.

A friend and I get together every Thursday morning to study the book of 1 Samuel. We sit in a coffee shop and have fellowship. We may discuss 1 Samuel, or other things God is teaching us, or things happening in life. This past weekend we took a swim in the ocean to celebrate the first snow, made crepes and had a sleep over. The main thing: being together in fellowship.

It is the part of the story where Samwise Gamgee says, "Come, Mr. Frodo! I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you and it as well. So up you get! Come on, Mr. Frodo dear! Sam will give you a ride. Just tell him where to go, and he'll go."

As Tolkien also writes, "Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles." Life, hope and food, best enjoyed with good company.

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

Hebrews 10:24,25

Let the Children Come

The past week has been a particularly hard week. I have been praying into going on international outreach with the current school, what it would look like to lead half of outreach and what to do after the outreach. Decisions. I struggled. I stressed and stressed and stressed. Then I stressed some more. Headaches. Stomach aches. Stress eating. It was bad. 

I spent more time watching the Swiss girls. Two of our staff were gone building a house for a recently widowed Native gal, so we had to distribute their jobs. I held Nira as she drank her bottle and fell asleep. I began to wonder if the reason Jesus wanted the little children to come to him was because they give life.

Nira "helps" me in the kitchen. She likes to be held, taste test the food and stir. She helps me write out the grocery list, as in she scribbles. Mostly she just stands on the counter being cute.

She giggles, ya know, one of those little kid giggles for no apparent reason. Her hair is turning into a mullet with soft curls. She chews on everything, crayons, sticks, fingers, books, mud, everything! She eases the tensions just by smiling. She draws attention from strangers, giving an opportunity to share the Gospel.

Andrina has begun pushing her toy stroller with her "babies" to the beach or the library. She will occasionally stop on the side of the road because her babies need their diapers changed. At the library she enjoys reading to them, sitting them on her lap so they can listen during story time and moving their arms during sign language song time. We have begun communicating in a mash up of English, Swiss-German, noises and hand gestures. I'm sure it is very interesting to observe.

But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of Heaven."

Matthew 19:14

Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, passion, dreams, talent, guts. It's what these little girls are made of. They remind me what it is to be simple, find joy and to laugh. As Fyodor Dostoyevsky, a Russian philosopher says, "The soul is healed by being with children." They show me how to be present, not overthinking or living to please; making decisions out of the fullness of our hearts; how to be broken, tired and cranky, knowing out of abandoning a performance based life, someone will always be there to love them. 

They remind me more than anything else how to love without any boarders.

Outreach decision: Joining the team in Japan for a week then leading three week outreach in Thailand. More updates to come.

Redeeming Warriors

Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving. After having received a snapchat from a Canadian friend wishing me the happiest of days, I declared celebration. Someone found a whole turkey in the freezer and another gal exclaimed, "We need decorations!" Monday evening, we celebrated Thanksgiving, complete with turkey hats, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. It was silly, especially for grown adults to wear half a paper plate covered in construction paper and crayon on their head, yet everyone willingly participated.

Tuesday evening a friend and I walked the night streets handing out hot chocolate. Three people accepted, 2 hugs were given, and many declined. One man, with a distorted expression of disgust, asked, "Are you trying to poison me?!" Well, no, unless you are lactose intolerant, allergic to chocolate or have a sugar sensitivity, we are not trying to poison you. Almost every person asked, very confused, "Why are you doing this?" For me, I desired to do this because I miss meeting people on the streets the way I would in Vegas. It was an easy way to meet and pray for people. My friend had better words: "We just want to love people." Simple. Her tender heart sought to love people first and foremost because she understood what the love of Christ has done for her. She had a boldness to speak with each person, a smile revealing her joy, and bright eyes seeing the one in front of her as an opportunity to love.

Wednesday we had a good-by party for a Mission Builder (YWAM program). He showed up one day, came into our building and asked if we needed any help. And, naturally, we did not deny him. He quickly became part of the community. I am not sure how long he was here, maybe a month, but it felt as though he was always here. Him and I would often talk about organic food and gardening, working out and the impact of health on our spiritual walk; we could also often be found extra, highly processed desserts in the kitchen. He came and served: painted, cleaned, dug most of the basement, whatever we needed, he was willing. I did not hear him complain once, rather, he saw the value in each one of us at the base, and did not let a single moment go by without being intentional. Full of wisdom, love and displayed a true father's heart, he even cut the turkey for us.

Friday for community outreach we went to long term care. I held a lady's hand for a while. Ruth was viciously shaking, eyes occasionally opening, lips cracked, and soft, confused words. She kept asking me, calling me the operator, to please put her eggs away, they were sitting on the counter. I frequently reintroduce myself to her, she would then turn her head away from me and tell the empty chair on the other side of her of about the nice lady who came to speak with her. As I held her hand, gently rubbing her loose, wrinkly skin, her shaking hands calmed.

Ruth could not impart wisdom she acquired over the years, share favorite recipes, or go for walks and laugh. Occasionally she would say something relevant or in recognition of her surroundings, but mostly she was confused and incomprehensible. She could do nothing but show me the frailty of life and the future reality for many. It was awkward. I did not know what to do. I wanted to leave, turn my eye away, take my hand back, put the reality of her daily activity being a confused body restrained to a chair away, not thinking any more about her, but going on in comfortable living. I did not want to love her widowed, orphaned state. I did not want to be uncomfortable any longer. 

In 1 Samuel 22, David is hiding from Saul who is looking to kill him. As David is hiding in a cave, his family and all those in distress, debt and bitter in soul come and join him (22:2), about 400 in all. With these 400 outcast men, David forms an army to fight for the Lord's will. This is the redeeming heart of the Father: calling all those in distress, debt and bitter in soul, come, fight for Me. Looking past the physical, He seeks to redeem us back to our warrior state. 

We hosted many extra people Monday and Tuesday who wanted to here the DTS lecture speaker. In Canadian Thanksgiving, loving people with hot chocolate, Bart's going away party and sitting with people who may not have remembered us five minutes after we left, we are seeking to honor and respect them for the warrior God made them to be. Each one of us has the characteristics of the outcast. We are the outcast, created to furiously love the one, redeemed to boldly fight for the Kingdom to come to earth, and chosen to tenderly hold the hands of our brothers and sisters.

"The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian."

-Brennan Manning

The Dream

"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling you."

-Aslan

I went to see the documentary Meru last week with a couple friends. It is a documentary about a climber Jimmy Chin who with a team climbed a mountain peak in India no other climber has reached the summit before. I was so excited! I have been waiting over a month to see it, living in Alaska things are slightly outdated when they reach us. After the movie was over, one of the girls looked at me and joked, "So are you ready to go buy all your gear and climb?"

Not really actually. The movie excited me. It was people setting their minds to do things other have tried, failed, and deemed impossible. They pushed themselves, not succumbing to limits they put upon themselves, they risked and pursued. They found something they loved and chased their passion.

Moving to Alaska was part of a dream spurred by summers working at camp. I desired to come back. There was one evening at camp I hiked one mountain with a friend and we were staring at another mountain across the valley. It was a late July evening, the sun was kind of setting, creating an early dusk feel. He said, "Crazy to think God says if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we could move those mountains." Yeah. It is crazy.

I returned to Alaska entering into what I felt God calling a season of rest. Rest does not mean easy. For example, I can see the mountains, but I can't get to them. Not easy.

Last week community outreach was to the Alaska Coast Studies Center. I had seen their building next to the ocean, so I contacted them to see if they would need volunteers. They did! For manual labor and entering computer data. We arrive, split our group into labor and computers. The gal shows us around the outside of the building pointing to all this stuff that needs to be moved. We would also have to be working around two of their interns who were skinning the sea otter hanging from a tree. We quickly finished our labor, and went to fold shirts and sweatshirts for two hours.

This week we went to AK Coastal Studies Center again. I almost vacuumed a bunch of animal bones I thought were twigs on the floor. I have never volunteer and found myself in situations like these before.

Sometimes we just have to lay on the floor and laugh with God about the adventure He has us in.

For work duties the past couple weeks we have been digging under our apartment building. Something about basement, water proof and some other things. I do not know. All I know, is we have to dig, fill 5 gallon buckets with wet dirt, haul those buckets about 5 meters on our knees, lift the buckets above ground, fill a wheel barrow then empty the wheel barrow. 7 of us. My spot: squatting to lift the buckets out of a stomach deep hole (sure seems like a Crossfit move put into the practicalities of the mission field).

Dream: mountains, Jesus, nations.

Reality: digging holes.

God, how did I get myself into this?

It is a wild ride when we choose to give our lives back to God. We suddenly have this freedom to enter the Throne Room. As Zechariah sees in a vision in the third chapter of his book, God brings us into His court room and says, "Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments." We have the right of access to enter into His presence and dream with Papa.

When we stand in the Heavenly court room, we stand justified, free from all accusation. In understanding our true identity, that of the free sons and daughters, we are able to enact the heart of the Father to the nations. We have the identity of Christ the hope of nations, as the Royale Priesthood, it is now our duty to be the hope of glory in bringing our brothers and sisters back to the table.

The dream does not always play into the reality. Yet the reality always plays into the dream. The dream remains the same: more Jesus, more nations. We, the Royale Priesthood, the freedom chasers, the dreamers, the nation changers, are the missionaries sent to go.

The lies require performance, comparison expectation and standards all resulting in us never being good enough. Before you are tempted to spend the night in the arms of lies, spend time in the arms of our Heavenly Father. He knows us. In Him we find peace as we await His perfect plans to guide our feet. Lean into Him, rest your head upon His heart beating for His children. Listen intently to Him calling you. There is no great adventure then listening to Him calling you further up and further in.

"I have made you. I will sustain you. I will carry you. I will save you."

-God 

(Isaiah 46:4)

Unfiltered Love

We all have those photos were we look in the background and say, "What?!" Or those photos of dad mowing the lawn in too short of shorts and you question why the photos was ever taken, or the shorts ever purchased. Or those photos of you with the chicken pox, mom lined us all up and took photos as we were practically dying. Then those vacation photos of people awkwardly in the background, tourists with tall socks and crocks or fanny packs and mullets. We all have those photos, you know which ones I'm talking about, and you know you are the one awkwardly in the background being laughed at by someone, somewhere in the world.

Have we begun eliminating these moments?

We begin to see things through the lens of a life to be edited. We crop out the hard, the tough, the uncomfortable. The more time we spend editing out, the more time we spend disconnected. We miss the funny in the process of creating the perfect. All those little details will be cropped out to eliminate distractions from the center focus.

If we took the Bible, edited out the awkward, cringing, slightly questionable material, what would be left? The Old Testament had a lot of war, adultery and death. Ester would acquire a lot of photos likes with her queen like treatment. Solomon probably in the process of blueprints (think, dramatic shot from above of blue prints, ink well and pen, oh ya, super hipster). The birth of Jesus would be taken out cause let's be honest, birth in a stable without medication would be sick nasty! Jesus hung out with the demon possessed, lepers, prostitutes, fisherman, sick people, and outcasts, most of his life wouldn't make it. His water-to-wine miracle may acquire a friend-brag photo. John the Baptist lived in nature wearing weird animal skins and ate locusts (maybe the locust dinners would make Insta for the shock). The dramatic missionary journeys of Paul and Timothy would get some sweet likes, until Paul landed himself in prison again (again, Paul, really?). John on Patmos, dramatic nature shots with deep revelations (get it?). Okay, so maybe there would be some Biblical quality photos that wouldn't need edited, but what would the message behind the photo convey?

To Insta-worthy the Bible, things such as sin and death would be eliminated, taking out the entire concept of grace, redemption, love, acceptance, adoption, being heirs to the Kingdom, the things that give life quality and purpose. 

We snap one, two, three photos, flip through, choose, delete, edit, post, continue to check likes or comments. We capture the glory moments. We post the photo of how beautiful the sun reflects off the water at the well, missing the Samaritan woman and all her beauty.

This is not to dismiss the way photos inspire and share stories. We capture moments and carry them around. Each photos carries with it a testimony. Behind each mocha with impeccable foam is an artist displaying the creativity of a Creator. We document moments of intense bravery, moments where we courageously step outside our comfort zones, conquering what we once label as impossible. We push ourselves to limits, celebrating the weights lifted in the gym, the heights achieved on cliff sides, and speeches given with our knees trembling. We cannot begin to idolize the photo, linger on the moment, and forget the story.

There is a Steffany Gretzinger song with lyrics that say: It was you I was thinking of when I rose from the grave.

Imagine this. There is a beautiful sunrise with rays of light beaming through the trees of a garden. Inside of a cave there are these perfectly laid white rags, these rags fell naturally perfect, they were not folded eight times to give a perfect appearance, it happened naturally. The sun is hitting the rags and the white washed stone, the stone is shimmering. It is the most perfect photo, no need to edit. Jesus take a photo, tags you, and captions: "Shout of to my best friend (insert name here). She/He is incredible. It was him/her I was thinking of when I rose from the grave. #lovethem #eternalpartywiththem #nofilter #resurrection."

We write our testimony and say it many times, perfecting it to the core. We adjust details depending on our audience. There will always be one constant, no matter what filter you choose, God was always there with an unfiltered love and acceptance of us. The way Papa interacts with us is natural. He doesn't look through His options and decide which will look the best. He doesn't spend time contemplating what others will think or will gain Him a repost or a share. He sees our inner thoughts, feelings and emotions. He intimately knows us. He knows, and cares, when we rise and when we fall. Each moment was written long ago. Our days have been planned since the beginning of time, naturally written, unedited lives. He sees all our life, probably laughs at our ridiculous fashion choices and funny poses, and keeps them all. And all those photos of us messing up, there is a word, written with a big, fat, red, permanent marker: Forgiven.

Personal challenge this week: see the testimony within the photo.

And yes, *sigh* I will continue to contemplate my captions and edit my Instagram.

Side note: no photos were edited in the making of this blog