Begin the Good-Bys

I leave in one week. Everything has been purchased. Now I begin packing for 5 months in one bag. We took our Christmas family photo this morning and had our last family dinner until January. And this morning was the last time I will be in Federated church until 2015. I still have not wrapped my mind fully around this. I will not see the leaves change colors this fall or watch the first snow fall. My grandma found out I will not be home for Christmas, as in they "don't let me come home". I was afraid for a minute she would not let me!

And then there is that thing called college, which I will not be attending this year. I did not think it would be like this. I figured I would joyfully hug my friends good by as they all began their first year of their college adventure. But I saw many students moving into Central this past Thursday and Friday. For some reason, I was a little sad. There was this excitement of buying microwaveable dishes, new towels, and matching a bedspread with extra long sheets! And then your parents drop you off at college, and they leave. You can stay up till, well, actually you never have to even sleep! And you can eat as much food as you want! But of course, you learn that studying is a necessary thing in college, and cafeteria food makes you look and feel gross. Then there is laundry and buying toiletries that will actually be used because you sit by a really cute person in your 8 a.m anthropology course. I will not be apart of any of all this.

I began my goodbys this past Tuesday. The group of girls I have been with since my freshman year of high school met. To think we made it and still find as much joy in each other as we did then boggles me. We all experienced tension between us on a group level and individual level. We dealt with parents, teachers, grades, drama. We went on mission trips and retreats together. We grew together. And now we all just leave.

What a bunch of cuties! Starting on the left: Sydney who I have known since 5th grade when we both went to Sunday school. Rachel since freshman year. Kat since summer before freshman year. And Sarah 5th grade locker partners!

Yesterday I became overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord as I was leaving a friend's house. I have waited to enter the mission field for three years now. I followed the Lord to Alaska instead of Africa. I grudgingly accepted the Lord as I applied for college across town, which I thought would be the death of me! I declared a major, accepting the fact that I would be attending college for four consecutive years. I obeyed as I stayed home this past summer to work instead of serve at camp. And the Lord is faithful. Yesterday God showed me He is giving me the desires of my heart. When His children are faithful in their obedience, He is faithful in His promise keeping. When we align our hearts with His, our paths are His paths. He is giving me the desires of my heart! Can we dwell on this! So often we accept life as life, often missing the fact that God is giving us the desires of our heart! He took notice of what I love, have a passion for, and dream of! I am going. I am leaving everything behind and looking to Him alone for guidance. This is what I have always wanted! This is what every ounce of my body longs for. And yet somehow it is harder than I ever thought.

I begin to not only say good by to all of the people who have faithfully stuck with me, I begin also to say good by to luxury. To the cute boy who makes my medium skim latte, no flavor. I say goodby to biking and early morning walks. I say goodby to my four pillows and three blankets that form a nest around me at night. To the cicadas in the night, Lake Red Rock, picking fresh vegetables from the garden, and having my laundry done. Oh ya, and a very happy wave to all those dogs in the neighborhood who do not understand the idea of not barking!

No matter how hard the good by is, there is this joy inside of me that surpasses all pain and longing for anything different.