San Francisco: Check!

View from YWAM SF doorstep

I was excited when informed Mission Adventures staff would spend a week in San Francisco working at their YWAM base. There was much talk about going to the Tenderloin. In my naive Iowa mind, I was confused. What is so good about this Tenderloin joint? I thought we were going for mission work. Yes, Goldie's in Monroe is a big deal with their tenderloins and milkshakes, but to only talk about tenderloins was a little strange to me. Finally, someone explained to me, no, the Tenderloin is an area of San Fran, not a sandwich joint, in fact, they do not even have tenderloins on the West Coast. 

Best hot chocolate evangelism crew in the Tenderloin

The Tenderloin is infamous for their high-crime rates, illicit drug sale and use on the streets, prostitution and homelessness, not their sandwiches. I found myself living a week right in the middle of it. The building we stayed in was once used to shoot porn videos and as a gay club. 

We did many outreaches to the homeless, easy with them literally sleeping on our doorstep. One afternoon we made two sack lunches, one for our self and the other for a homeless person who we would share a meal and conversation with. We served a few meals at a shelter across the street from YWAM SF; one meal I put silverware inside of cups for 500 people, the other meal I scraped plates, tedious and unattractive jobs. We did prayer outreaches, hot chocolate evangelism and hosted a meal in which we brought people in off the streets, sat them at a table inside the base and served them.

Of all the things I learned in school and church about poverty, missions and life, they forgot a few things. They forgot to teach how to love the woman who offers to share her needles with you as you try to share the Gospel with her. They forgot to teach how to respect the transvestite making derogatory comments about your body. They forgot to tell me what to do about the youth safer on the streets than in their homes and how to pray for the man preparing his crack in front of you.They forgot to tell me how alone, desperate and forlorn I could feel on the mission field.

One of the days we were "homeless". We slept on the cold, basement floor of our building, then from 6 am till 4 pm we were on the streets. We had to survive a day searching for public restrooms and eating at shelters. My pride was rocked when we ate breakfast at a homeless shelter. The food was tasteless, I was served by a cheerful volunteer and I identified as homeless. It was pretty obvious the group I was with was not homeless, but I felt different. I struggled to make eye contact with the volunteers. I felt a little less purposeful, worthy, and human. 

The day after our "homeless" experience, the sky was gloomy and overcast. In an already spiritually dark neighborhood, the dirtiness of buildings, people and streets became all the more apparent in the sunless sky. I struggled to find hope. 

Homeless shelter across the street from base

Through all the missions I have been on, not one of them emotionally shook me like this one. The openness of drugs, alcohol, sex and poverty rocked me. The mangled, drug ridden bodies lay lifeless on the sidewalk. There was not much I could do for them, I could not save their life. After each encounter with a person on the street, I walked away a little heavier, a little more hopeless, a little more angry. I did not know what to do. 

The song, Nothing I Hold Onto by Will Reagan, based off Proverbs 3:5, became the theme song for the week. The lyrics say: I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven; I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.

What I see I can only understand to an extent, I can only trust. I can only have faith, being confident in what I hope for and put my assurance in Him whom I cannot see (Hebrews 11:1). 

On the nine hour car ride, God, being the good good Father that He is, met me where I was. He is never intimidated by our emotions or angry with our thoughts, He will never abandon us. I learned there is a mercy only the streets and the Spirit can teach us. Yes, there is darkness. No, I cannot save every person. No, I cannot end human suffering. No, I cannot make people choose a better life path. No, it will not always be easy, fun and glamorous. But I can obey God in the moment. Out of obedience I can bring Him glory. I can choose to surrender and worship. In recognizing Him I will find hope. Just as the YWAM San Francisco building was once used for desires of the flesh, it has now been redeemed for Him. Out of obedience and prayer, miracles happen. 

In all of His faithfulness, He reveled His majesty most in the sunset as we drove across the desert back home to Vegas. The clouds glowed purple, pink and blue over the mountains flushed in reds and browns, all screaming of His greatness. He is the Maker of Heaven and Earth. He has the name of every prostitute, drug dealer, pimp, business man, barista, student and unborn child tattooed onto the palm of His hand. That, is love.

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.

Psalm 34:1