Soul Rest

A week ago I left Vegas exhausted; physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was not excited to come home. I was leaving a community that daily sought God, were unafraid to radically dream, and were willing to be led by the Spirit, no matter how crazy. I was in fear of a lot of things.

I knew coming home I would be around people who do not understand what I do or why I do it, and would be discouraging. I knew people would give me their own opinions about what they think I should be doing, even pertaining to ministry. I knew there would be a thousand questions as soon as I got off the plane. I knew my family and friends have been doing things without me and I would not understand all their jokes. I knew I would feel like an outsider. I knew people would not understand when I say I am excited to run in the dark by myself without getting shot or mistaken for a prostitute, I am not joking. I knew people would not understand I need time to be with God to process and rest, a lot of time.

I knew these things, and I allowed them to make me bitter before I even left instead of taking them to God and asking Him how He would like me to handle each situation.

Here are five things that helped my soul find peace, my heart love, my body rest, and my mind abandon bitterness.

1. Meditation
A quote from the book The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge struck me. "Once again, the step sisters' voices have convinced her that she is contemptible in soul and body, only good for the homeliest of tasks. Fortunately for Cinderella, the Prince is a romantic who will not give up searching the city until he has found her, and they live happily ever after. And so it will be with us who are the beloved of the great Prince who is Jesus. It is this destiny that so enrages our enemy and makes him determined to destroy the love affair that he can never have a part of." And that is what was happening. The enemy stole my focus from the wild love affair God was offering me.

2. Coffee and Heidi Baker
Separate, or together, both are great. One particular video was her telling a story of being chased by men with guns while driving. In the moment she said she was absolutely terrified, "With all that was in me I screamed His name. I did not scream a cuss word, I screamed the name of Jesus, my Bridegroom King, the one who loves me, the One who called me to do what I do, the One who holds my hand, the One who levels mountains, the One who takes metal gates and moves them." I was convicted. Am I screaming my Bridegroom's name, or am I sitting in silent defeat?

3. Community
In leaving the community I loved in Vegas, I deemed all other forms of community outside of YWAM "less than". WRONG! Where two or more are gathered God is there, YWAMers or not. The Holy Spirit does not dwell just with one group. The power and presence of God is not restricted to certain organizations, regions or people. There is joy in being with the family.

4. The Outdoors
The outdoors is  a place for me to rest with Abba, even with 100% humidity and mosquitoes. I was believing the lie I was to feel guilty not spending time with others. It is not selfish to take time for self care, it is essential, hence why God established the Sabbath. When we are not well rested in the body, our mind and soul will not be well rested. When one part of us is even slightly off, we will not be able to run full speed with Him.

5. Family
The one thing I was most worried about. The only way to conquer fears and lies is to give them to God and allow Him to speak truth into our lives. Then we have to go live. Avoiding the struggles out of anxiety is not living in freedom, rather we are saying God's power cannot shine bright enough in the situation to make it okay. There is no room for fear in the children of God. Yes, we do need to discern when we are to shake the dust off our feet, but more so, I am to make sure everyday I am putting on the full armor of God. The enemy lies. Turns out my family is more fun than I remember.

I messed up a lot. I expected others to know what I needed, and instead of communicating what I needed, I withheld grace and negatively isolated myself. The past week has been rough. I have not always been kind or respectful. In these situations I understand what it is to be extended grace by others and to extend grace to others. They do not always understand, just as I do not understand. They are over bearing, just as I am overbearing. They are impatient with me, just as I am impatient with them. Each time I withheld grace, He extended more grace to me, bringing me again to the floor of the Throne Room, yet again offering me a wild love relationship with Him.

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:26,27