Week 9: Check!

Friday evening a group of us went to view the city from
the top of the Stratosphere!

Week 9 down, two more weeks to go until we leave for Nepal. This past week was different from most. We had a speaker for Monday and Tuesday, Pastor Zach from Vegas, Wednesday we watched a couple videos about spiritual warfare from the Youtube, and Thursday we had another speaker, Pastor Mark also from Vegas. This week focused more on the upkeep of our souls and self. One beautiful, as well as destructive, thing about YWAM is the enthusiasm of radical faith. YWAM loves to preform miracles of healing and raising the dead, constant ministry, eliminating all ideas of secular living but only living in the spiritual, living supernaturally natural. All Biblical; Jesus himself said with the Holy Spirit in us, we will do more than He did. However we go and go and go, forgetting to rest in the Lord. This week was a beautiful reminder to check our, my, soul.

Highlights from this weeks lectures:

Wednesday evening we hosted a banquet for those in the
community. We sat everybody and served them. No lines, no
clean up, just a time for them to relax and be served!

• Grace: unmerited favor; power, presence and favor of God poured out on us allowing us to walk in strength
• Give up, so I can rise up
• Easier to manifest Heaven when we realize Heaven is in us, therefore all we do is sacred
• When I say yes to God, it's like signing the bottom of a blank page
• When our relationship with the Lord is healthy, all other relationships follow suit
• Spiritual warfare is a fact for every Christian everywhere; life, not a situation
• Evil thought against another is spiritual warfare; we cut ourselves off from their grace
• Resting in the Lord (refusing to worry) is spiritual warfare
• When we stop and create space, we allow God to create
• 4 Helpful questions in evaluating a situation
• What is right?
• What is wrong?
• What is missing?
• What is confusing?
• 4 Helpful questions to ask ourselves:
• Who am I?
• Where am I?
• Where do I want to go?
• How am I going to get there?

Man Kat and I. I was asked to be hostess for the banquet. I
greeted everybody and spoke a welcoming and a closing
then mingled. I was very nervous, but I found much joy in
loving each person who came through the door!

God is not through with making a masterpiece out of you and me. Everyday we are filled with new breathe, we are given another day to live in the palm of His hand. I was not given this life just so I can go atop the Stratosphere or serve the homeless, I was given this life to love those I see. I was given this life to breathe the very air Jesus breathed out. I share the sun and the moon and the stars with billions of others. Jesus' heart was not beating for Himself. His heart beat everyday just so it would stop beating for a sinful nation. Jesus had 3 years of ministry; 91% of His life was training for three years. Is my beating heart supplying life to a body that is being trained for the work of the Lord, or is it supplying life for a body seeking after the vain ambitions of the world? Every breathe is precious, filled with the miracle of life. Do not forget your heart beets 900 times a day. Do not let these moments slip through your fingers. These moments will never be returned to us. 

I am peculiar. I was designed for a purpose.

Uncomfortable Joy

Every morning I would sit outside for some time watching the sunrise and having my morning coffee with God. The past three weeks have been off for me. I am becoming comfortable. The daily scheduled is impressed in me, I am cool about the cockroaches in the kitchen, I am living with family now, no longer strangers to me.

Two evenings ago a young man highly invested in us YWAMers stopped by the base. He so very bluntly at the dinner table said to me, "I'm surprised you have not asked any questions, Livia. What has stolen your joy?" I was very upset. First because he thought I did not have any joy and secondly because he said it in front of everyone *cough, cough* he hurt my pride. So I made a sarcastic comment back, hoping it would look like I was just blowing off the topic. But that did not stop him, he replied, "Are you angry?"

I hated it. Someone confronted an issue of mine in front of everyone. Yup, I needed it. I needed someone to take notice, and take initiative. I needed someone to be straight up with me, and I guess in front of a group was the best place to completely humble me.

He later asked me if I was still sitting outside in the morning. And it hit me, I was depriving God of time with me by not acting on my passions. I do not have a passion for sitting inside, so why do I do my devotions inside? I do not have a passion for staying up late and getting up early, so why do I not go to bed earlier, the way I like so I am not tired? I no longer like coffee (ya lets pray that God fixes this one), so why do I keep drinking it? Why am I doing these things I that do not inspire me?

I have become so comfortable with getting by I am depriving the world of seeing God through the unique passions He has given me.

In a round about way, I am saying if you do not have a passion for something, do not do it! If you are not hungry, do not eat! If you want to run a marathon, start by running up the stairs! Complacency will get you nowhere. Honor God. There are things we may not want to do, but we do them anyways to honor God. God gave me two hands to serve the needs. Needs are not always glamorace, but I do them because I have a passion for God. The cost of discipleship, is our comfort. If Jesus is our model, I doubt He died comfortably with the intent that we will use our redemption just to go to Heaven. Jesus died uncomfortably, so we would have joy in being uncomfortable.

So, if you have word for someone, say it. Do not fear, because they will need the words. This young man who spoke words from God to me was probably uncomfortable, and he sure made me uncomfortable. But I needed it because I was living comfortably and absolutely joyless. Do not doubt your purpose and your impact in this world. The lunch ladies always have more impact on the students than the teachers. Be bold. Be uncomfortable. Be in the love of the Lord.

With my love,
Livia

Week 8: Check!

5 a.m hike to watch the sunrise with some of my beautiful YWAM family!

Highlights from lecture notes on the topic 'The Cost of Discipleship' taught by Jeremy West:

• Being a disciple is showing what I believe in so much I would give everything up
• Do not turn your privileges into rights; we complain and do not want to be told what to do because we believe it is our right to do what we want
• We hear things, think them, agree with them, and are at times moved by them, and by doing so we convince ourselves that we are living the life we "agree" with. Are we dreaming an ideal instead of living the truth?
• There are no great people of God, only a great God of people
• Identity in Christ is sacrifice of identity in self; individualism, not independence
• Be careful not to defend our objectivity in language, entertainment or clothing. Why do we do it?

  

  Decided to rock dreads for the next 3 weeks!

• We are willing to take the blades of glory, but are we willing to take the lower spot? Are we willing to listen and clean our rooms, turn in our journals on time, and clear up small disputes?
• Grace is free, but discipleship is extremely costly. It cost Jesus everything, why would it cost us anything less?
• If I cannot say sorry or admit my mistakes, I should not be in leadership
• Legalism= man made standards and goals to make us better
• We sanitize our wants by calling them desires
• Discipling others and being discipled is worth my discomfort
• Being "relevant" shrinks our sphere of influence quickly and drastically the enemy always wants to split generations, being "relevant" in language and dress will do just that
• We have to burn our ships, that does not mean we will never sail again, we just have to let God take us to a new dock

While the lectures were amazing, it was the way the speaker presented the material: with respect. There was a passion in his eyes radiating his desire for us to grow in our faith, no matter how discomforting the information would make him. Jeremy was honest, convicting, and respectful. He said one thing that made me want to cry, he said, "You are worth it." Me becoming closer to the Lord is worth more than his comfort. Me leading others closer to the Lord is worth more than my comfort, am I living this out? This week has opened my eyes to the way I live. I often complain, slack during work duties, not always turn in things on time, allow my room to become messy, do not make my bed, just because I do not want to; they are an inconvenience to me. The cost of discipleship is being faithful in the small things. If God cannot trust me in the small things, there is no way God will trust me in the big things. He is worth my discomfort.

The city lights are slowly working their way into my heart!

Memory Lane

Week 7 has been a difficult week for me. The topic of the week was the Holy Spirit. Our teachers were both so wonderfully full of knowledge. I was very blessed to learn more about the different gifts of the Spirit and different situations where the Holy Spirit was present.

This week, however, contained "blast from the past" moments. A year ago there was a very special young man in my life, and his mother pasted of breast cancer. We both suffered, something I did not expect, and I especially did not expect to still feel so much emotion. Many times I found myself revisiting past memories, dwelling on the what could have beens. A year ago I never would never have envisioned myself being single living in Las Vegas doing a DTS. A year ago I envisioned my future being me graduating from college, still with the same young man.

Dwelling on the memories is a very dangerous thing. Looking back, laughing and learning, yes that is good and healthy. But questioning, wishing for a different ending, wishing I would have said or done something differently is not healthy. By making myself vulnerable to questioning why the Lord's will played out the way it did, I reopened myself to many lies I thought I had conquered.

One of the biggest lies I began to re-believe is I was alone. Feeling alone was a result of me not being vulnerable. Me not being vulnerable was a result of believing 3 lies: it is not a big of a deal, there are bigger problems, telling people is not going to make a difference.

1. My feelings are a big deal. My heart is to reflect the heart of the Creator of the Universe. I was created in God's image, therefore my feelings are created in the image of God's feelings. If my heart is breaking, then God's heart is breaking. Pushing aside my feelings in response to embarrassment and fear others will make fun of them, is saying to God, "God, I really am embarrassed by Your heart and I care more about what others think than what You feel."

2. Are you sure? Currently the problem is my heart is really hurting. Having a hurting heart for me spreads into all parts of my life. It affects my eating, sleeping, attitude, and the way I treat others. But most importantly, having a hurting heart puts a barrier between God and I. My relationship with my Abba Daddy really suffers. I do not want to talk to Him or people about my problems, because I do not want to be seen as a problem. Lack of vulnerability WILL destroy relationships.

3. It will make a difference. Telling others how I am feeling, I allow others to see God in me, and I allow others to speak God out of them. Being vulnerable allows for a love relationship. Love is not something that is clean. Love is messy. Love is snot, tears, and pain. Love is not always pretty, happy, easy or desired. Love is saying, "I'm sorry," and "I forgive you." Love is beautiful. Love is taking time to listen to the hurts of another. Love is being willing to dig deep into the pains, sorrows, and dark valleys of each other's lives and not being scared of others. Love is this crazy thing that yells, "HEY! YOU ARE SO FRICKEN AWESOME! I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE!" I did not allow anybody to love me or to yell that at me.

God is showing me what love really means. God wants to go deep with me because He loves me. Shouldn't I want to go deep with Him? Do I not love Him? Do I not want to feel His heart and share it with others? God wants my heart to break. God wants to take my past and remold it into a testimony for His glory. He does not want us to keep all the memories to ourselves. He thinks our lives are so beautiful and can all shine His grace if we allow Him!

With much LOVE!
Livia

Mexico: Check!

Roof top view from the Ensanada base. Beach. Mountains. Poverty.

This past Wednesday afternoon, October 1, all 8 of us DTS students and 4 leaders left for a mid-lecture outreach to Mexico. Our destination was Ensanada, Mexico where we stayed at a YWAM base from Wednesday until Saturday. Saturday we left and spent the night in Tijuana, Mexico and came home Sunday. This trip has been amazing. I could spend days telling stories of what God did. I think the easiest way to hit all the highlights is to go by day. This will be a longer post, but it does not even begin to capture all the miracles God did.

Wednesday:

• Learned that most all of us get very crabby when we do not eat. 
• Somebody passed gas, did not admit to it. We all almost died. It was a bonding moment.
• Drove this crazy Mexico rode in at night. They did not have a shoulder and barely any guard rail and they went along mountain sides. They were crazy curvy, but that did not stop others from passing our van.
• Arrived at the Ensanada base. Our rooms had a view of the ocean! Many times the leader who used to work at the Ensanada base would get on me for calling it Ensalada, which means salad. I thought it was funny to call the base Salad, she did not.

Thursday:

The migrant camp I wanted to be left at.

• Chel, one of my roommates, and I went running on the beach. IT WAS AWESOME!
• During morning intersession with the Ensanada group lots of people were given words and images of breaking barriers of culture and language. Throughout the day, God proved himself faithful in breaking down barriers.
• Visited a girls safe house/rehab center. The average age of the girls is 14, meaning there were girls younger and older. All of these girls have had drugs in their system; they were either rescued or their families sent them. While we were there we shared parts of our testimony and encouraging words. We also were extremely blessed with bilingual worship and were able to hear parts of their stories.
• We visited a migrant camp. I wanted to live with them. The families were a mix of Mexicans and indigenous groups. They lived up on the mountain side and had an amazing view of the beach, mountains and the fields they worked in. We gave out milk, cookies and orange juice. I was able to braid some girls hair. I had my hair up in a bun and when I let my hair down for them to play with their eyes went huge in amazement of my long blond hair. I was also able to hold a baby. The little girl was under 6 months. Her fingers were so tiny. I told this beautiful girl how beautiful, precious and loved she is. Her mom only spoke an indigenous language, so she did not know English, but she was grinning a toothless smile. I wanted to move in and keep her. Despite language barriers we were able to love and play with the children as well as love on the adults.

Friday:

Sand dollars we collected on our window sill. You can
see now what I was blessed with looking at!

• Another morning run on the beach. Chel and I collected sand dollars. 
• We went to a boys home today. I was super nervous. I am a white girl who has never been pulled over by the cops, I could not imagine having any sort of connection with these boys. Of course these young men are more than what society has labeled them. We had bilingual worship, shared parts of our testimony, gave encouragement, then some of the boys shared theirs. We were able to pray over the boys, they were able to pray over us, then they shared their dreams. Lots of the boys desired to be good husbands and fathers, several wanted to serve God by working with children. It was so encouraging.
• Had a frappe from a coffee shop. I did not get sick from the ice in it. It was lovely.
• Went for a walk on the beach and watched the sunset. It was the most vibrant sunset I have ever seen!
• We went to the Red Light district of Ensanada. It was very interesting and not what I expected it to be. It was mostly just bars. The prostitution was extremely hidden, not open in the streets. Of course God blew our minds. There were 4 groups: one group from Ensanada at the base praying for us, an Ensanada group prayer walking, then our Vegas group was split into two groups. All of our groups were receiving words, visions and urging to pray for things that did not make sense, but when we all shared back at base, they all connected to each other group. Our prayers may not make sense, yet God can connect the crazy together.

Saturday:

T.J beach! I LOVE THE BEACH!

• Began the morning with a 6:30 a.m swim. It was so refreshing. A boy who has wrestled alligators went with us and brought boogie boards. So fun!
• Went to visit an orphanage in the mountains. The building was very nice with all donated items. They had a beautiful view of the mountains, farm land and poverty. I was able to again braid hair and have my hair braided. We sang songs, played soccer, and gave lots of piggyback rides.
• Traveled from Ensanada to Tijuana. The house we stayed in was on the beach, as in you walk off the drive way onto the sand. Within 30 minutes of being at the house, I was unpacked, and in the ocean!
• Went to the Red Light district in T.J. The prostitutes lined the streets here. Somehow I was at complete peace. We were able, through translators, able to pray for some of the girls. There was a man who gave his life to Christ and another prostitute who approached the other group, gave her life to Christ, and went to pack up her bags, all ready to leave the streets. It was beautiful. 
• Really wanted to sleep outside under the stars but I could not find any blankets. The room I stayed in was a little girls room. I tucked myself under the covers, surrounded by 8 pillows, feeling like a total princess. I then looked up and there were glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. I was in awe of God. He made me feel so precious. He provided for His princess.

Sunday:

• Crossed the boarder. We had some difficulties because our driver is in the process of applying for a green card. He was taken in for questioning, and God gave him the chance to tell the questioner about God. We were at the boarder for about 2 hours. 
• Had Panaras for lunch! YUM!
• Returned home. I have never been more excited in my entire life to be in the ghetto. 

Other highlights:

Ensanada base sign.

• Did not shower for 3 days. For those who know me well, this will make their jaws drop. 
• Remembered to not drink from the tap. It was a large accomplishment
• Not once did I request to have the van stop for a bathroom break. At one point we went 3 hours between bathroom breaks. Again, a shocker. I tend to need a stop at least every hour.
• Was able to use Spanish I learned over 2 years ago in high school. It was really fun being able to speak in a broken language. It was also good to feel hopeless. I never realized how I have always expected others to speak in English before.
• Realized I am really a beach bum.
• I love poverty. I loved being in the slums. Oh. My. Goodness!

Mexico was amazing! Thank you so much for all the prayers! With my appreciation and love!

Livia Pezley

Ensanada beach.