Uncomfortable Joy

Every morning I would sit outside for some time watching the sunrise and having my morning coffee with God. The past three weeks have been off for me. I am becoming comfortable. The daily scheduled is impressed in me, I am cool about the cockroaches in the kitchen, I am living with family now, no longer strangers to me.

Two evenings ago a young man highly invested in us YWAMers stopped by the base. He so very bluntly at the dinner table said to me, "I'm surprised you have not asked any questions, Livia. What has stolen your joy?" I was very upset. First because he thought I did not have any joy and secondly because he said it in front of everyone *cough, cough* he hurt my pride. So I made a sarcastic comment back, hoping it would look like I was just blowing off the topic. But that did not stop him, he replied, "Are you angry?"

I hated it. Someone confronted an issue of mine in front of everyone. Yup, I needed it. I needed someone to take notice, and take initiative. I needed someone to be straight up with me, and I guess in front of a group was the best place to completely humble me.

He later asked me if I was still sitting outside in the morning. And it hit me, I was depriving God of time with me by not acting on my passions. I do not have a passion for sitting inside, so why do I do my devotions inside? I do not have a passion for staying up late and getting up early, so why do I not go to bed earlier, the way I like so I am not tired? I no longer like coffee (ya lets pray that God fixes this one), so why do I keep drinking it? Why am I doing these things I that do not inspire me?

I have become so comfortable with getting by I am depriving the world of seeing God through the unique passions He has given me.

In a round about way, I am saying if you do not have a passion for something, do not do it! If you are not hungry, do not eat! If you want to run a marathon, start by running up the stairs! Complacency will get you nowhere. Honor God. There are things we may not want to do, but we do them anyways to honor God. God gave me two hands to serve the needs. Needs are not always glamorace, but I do them because I have a passion for God. The cost of discipleship, is our comfort. If Jesus is our model, I doubt He died comfortably with the intent that we will use our redemption just to go to Heaven. Jesus died uncomfortably, so we would have joy in being uncomfortable.

So, if you have word for someone, say it. Do not fear, because they will need the words. This young man who spoke words from God to me was probably uncomfortable, and he sure made me uncomfortable. But I needed it because I was living comfortably and absolutely joyless. Do not doubt your purpose and your impact in this world. The lunch ladies always have more impact on the students than the teachers. Be bold. Be uncomfortable. Be in the love of the Lord.

With my love,
Livia